Now what what does that say about me

I've been joking "I have nothing to eat but get to eat oreos for dinner" describes the current phase of adulthood I'm in. 

But the reality of the current phase could better be compared to" tripping so violently your arms flail and a small, awkward squeak like scream slips from your lips as you fall forward flat on your face into a gutter of dirty water in front of the entirety of the passing student body."

I have been preparing for this move since October of 2014. 

I have spend countless hours lost in thought of what it would be like. 

Many nights had tear filled moments with my best friends in anticipation of our upcoming separation.

But I wasn't prepared.

I am extremely emotionally stoic. Before August 12th there were about 4 people who had ever seen me cry.

The morning of August 12th I lost count. 

I truly blubbered like a weaning toddler. 

I have been through many hard days, but that day hurt incomparably to the others.

My best friend sent my tear streaked, red face off with "Look in your rear view mirror as you drive away" as her parting words of wisdom.

I lifted my sore eyes to see my 3 roommates and best friends in the middle of the street, mooning me as the house mother eagerly, and fully clothed, waved goodbye.  

A perfect representation of the houses dynamic.

I know many people who did not find it hard to leave home and go off to university. 

For me it was the hardest thing I'd ever done.

Those closest to me lent many an ear, listening to my overwhelming concerns, and sat patiently every time a came to them with the usual "I'm not going, I'm staying here."

My parents moved my large furniture in my brothers truck for the 118 mile journey, which is a long time to think, cry, and listen to Kanye West.

I think I said "thank you" more in that day than I have in the last year. 

I was overwhelmed with gratitude as so many people surrounding me helped in possibly small ways to them, but genuinely colossal ways to me.

Having my parents there was both extremely helpful and comforting.

Im pretty independent of my parents, but I feel like inner children come out when students move away from home. Suddenly it's not embarrassing to be seen with your parents, and you dread the moment they are going to say goodbye and you'll be left in this foreign room utterly alone with nothing but packed boxes to accompany you.

My first day on campus was lonely.

About every 25 minutes someone would shriek there friends name and run towards them, embracing them in the middle of the student union, while I awkwardly shifted my weight from foot to foot to avoid colliding into the reunion

That was actually one of the worst parts, knowing I wouldn't have that. At all.

That night I forced myself to go to a meet and greet. It was the epitome of a university event. Banks trying to get you to sign up with them, blow up obstacle courses, free food trucks *with food ticket , eager faces appearing from the masses asking if you want to join their club, and a giant marching band that is finally appreciated.

I met new friends, but I wished my friends back home were with me. Dancing to the music, challenging each other to the obstacle courses, swapping clothes with each other as a disguise to get another free ice cream cone.

My first day of Classes had one of the moments affirming why I left all of my closest friends, my job and my home.

I haven't really had time for it to settle in (between paying another neccisary school expense or swapping classes because my race teacher was a stupid idiot who I refused to replace Mona Scott with) but sometimes when the campus is especially busy, or more so when its deserted late in the day and the sun is setting against the deep-red brick buildings I do have a moment of realization that I actually did it. 

I one day decided this is where I wanted to be and I worked up the very large hill to get there.

Also, most people don't know this because of how I am now, but growing up I never imagined going to university. I planned only on an associates.

I grew up in a rather affluent area where most kids grow up knowing they will go to university, like their parents did, they think its just what you do. But I know its not like that everywhere. People work hard to get to university, its an accomplishment many people dont yet have the privladge to even attempt.

So today as I walked up the quiet steps and looked across the grass mall stretching to the end of campus I did have a moment of a mixture of disbeleif, excitment, pride and appreciation for where Im at.