I aint in it for the minute, I pass up the gimmicks

Wanna hear a funny story?


I was working sale Saturday, and this guy came through my line, as guys often do.
He was probably about 26 (just where I like em) His face was OK, but I liked his style better
He was buying nothing but ties. We started talking about how we both only shop at goodwill and how much consumerism sucks. He informed me he works in retail too. When I asked him where he hesitantly replied "...fascinations..."


I slyly said "My major is sex education, you arent gonna weird me out"

We laughed a bit more and then I gave him his change and he scampered off out the doors.


About 8 minutes later I look up and he is in my line again.

I asked if something had been wrong with the previous transaction. He said "No I just decided I needed one more."


I honestly thought nothing of it as I scanned it and handed him his receipt.

He thanked me and then confidently said "Oh, and this is for you."
With that, he slid me a folded piece of paper, smiled and walked away.


I opened the paper to find his name, his number and a doodle of suspenders and ties.


I instantly thought two things.

1, "Boy number"
2. "He spend a-whole-nother dollar just to give me his number"


I slide it in my back pocket and proceed to tell all of my fellow cashiers and my manager who doesn't believe I have game.


It was some excitement amid my 9 hour shift.


I think nothing of this number.
I have enough on my plate, and I really have no interest in any more friendships that aim to lead to relationships than I already have. So I go about the next day completely normal. Run some errands, do some laundry, catch up on homework.


Tonight I come home and tell Nathan the story.
He asks "So, have you text him!?!?!"


"Heck no, I dont need anymore men in my life!"

"You have to message him, it doesn't get anymore movie than this"

"Rape is real." I said as I shoveled bean dip into my mouth.

Eventually I decided I would text this guy.
So I go into my room looking for my work pants. Im looking for then in their usual spot (aka the floor) I cant find them until suddenly I remember they are in a new pile.


My freshly washed clothes.


"No way." I think to myself.


I check the pockets.


No where to be found.




And Nathan said it couldn't get any more like a movie.

Welcome to the new age

This is my life lately.

Brushing my drying hair at stop lights.
Texting late apology texts while driving the freeway on-ramp
Packed lunches.
Lots of trail mix. Lots.
Being dead tired by 9 pm. Finding my bed by midnight.
Recognizing the coincidence of seeing my immediate family.
Taking showers for the sole purpose of knowing I wont have an opportunity anytime soon.
Realizing seeing anyone who lives outside of the phoenix metropolis is literally not possible.
Having the next week filled before its even Monday.
Doing homework as I walk to class.
Constantly having my work clothes in my car.Or on my body.
Always having to budget my time during a social encounter.
Microwaves.
Smelling shirts before I put them on.
Thinking the interior of my car is the only one who knows the happenings of my life/feelings.
Eating alone. Most of the time.
Exchanges.
Prioritizing.
Saying "no". Lots.
Getting excited I got around to trimming my finger nails.
Hearing older people tell me this isn't even hard yet.


And I'm sure it isn't.










And she still finds time to blog...

I got the eye of the tiger,a fighter.

Its funny, the more educated I become as a "feminist" the more I am actually defending men.


So today I was squirming to get homework done right before the start of the class. I plopped down in some random chair next to thees two girls my age who were casually chatting. I started doing my gender studies homework answering questions about the effects of the media on woman, when I cant help but overhear this girls conversation.

She talks about how hard her life has been in the last year .How she moved out with her boyfriend of 4 months even tho her parents hated him, then 4 months later he kicked her out. She went on to explain when she went back to get her things there were girls all over the apartment who he had obviously been sleeping with. She went on to explain how hard her life was after that. She then said "I hate men. They are all douchebags. Seriously, like I cant stand men."


Ohhhhhh take a breathe Britanee.


Look, I am jaded myself. I have been used before. I have been hurt before.
But let me tell you.
All men are not douche-bags.

You are just a stupid girl with low standards.

(disclaimer:Its not your fault, you were raised in a pretty crummy society who taught you terrible ways to get a man)

For some reason this has been on my mind a lot. I cant stand when girls say "Guys are such jerks, Im done with them"

I keep hearing all thees stories, like "My boyfriend had sex with another girl while I was laying right next to him"


GIRL.
HOW THE HELL DID YOU EVER DATE A MAN CAPABLE OF THAT?
AND HOW DID YOU NOT GET UP AND WALK THE EFFFF OUT.

They tell this story to me like I should feel bad for them...

Its really hard for me to sympathize, because I have really only ever had ONE awful experience with a boy, and I take full responsibility for LETTING him use me. I knew a man who would only meet me after midnight in secret was badddddnews.
I let myself get used.
And honey, it only took ONE time for it to never happen again.


All these girls talk about how terrible there boyfriends were to them.

I have never once had a boyfriend treat me terribly.My past boyfriends have had flaws, for sure, but they never disrespected me or treated me badly. Nor would I ever have let them...

Part of it is me being lucky, and another part of it is I don't surround myself with men who have the potential to mistreat me.
I know there are situations where its out of your control, or when you never saw it coming. But for the most part -Have more respect for yourself and hold to your standards (which hopefully are not as flimsy as you are)


Dont sit there in your pity party, figure out what you could have done differently and LEARN from it.

Girls wonder how they get used, because they are so blind. All yo little friends try tellin you and yo bitch asssss dont listen.

Start listening.

Its okay you got fooled, but its not okay that you didn't learn from it.

Dont make excuses for a man just because he is gorgeous and gives you butterflies.
Dont ignore the red flags.
Dont feel bad for sticking to your standards. Even if it makes him feel bad, or its an uncomfortable situation.
You don't owe him anything.
Dont tell yourself you will defend your self-worth next time, start now.





Because all girls are heartless whores,right?

And all you ever did was wr-e-e-eck me.

So Im very bad at not letting boys pay for me.

I want to get better at it.

A big part of this is making more money so the offer isnt so damn inciting.

Ive never been good at the situation.

Let me tell you, I know what Robin Thicke means when he says he "hates those blurred lines"
I hate when Im hanging out with a boy and he buys me food.


My eye balls get all big and I start calculating whether this is now a date or not, and then I have to try and pick apart whether he has a crush on me or not and then I have to look within my soul and see if I like him back,and then I have to decide weather he would be a good father to our children, and if he would support my decision to NOT have a television in the bedroom,  all for a slice of pizza.


And that all happens in that split second our eyes meet after the waiter sets down the check.

And we both start talking over each other about "Who's got it"

And I never have cash to split my half. Or pay the tip.

Then he pays for me.


And then I make some joke about how I dont owe him sex.


Guys that entire scenario was not made up.


I really said "I don't owe you sex."






So. I have decided Im going to just alleviate all this by asking for a separate check as soon as I place my order. No dispute. No blurred lines. No future nights falling asleep with the TV on.



So last night Im out with a really good friend of mine, who is a male.
We go to Applebees, cuz its half off appetizers, and I order my classic buffalo wings bone in and say "And can we have this on separate checks please?


The waitress goes "Wait, you aren't on a date?!"


http://img.gawkerassets.com/img/188d3y9e88nq2gif/ku-medium.gif


This is the same boy who I was out with the night previous and BECAUSE I WAS WEARING A DRESS. andhewasinasportscoatandtie everyone kept asking if we were on a date. And by everyone, I mean complete strangers. I was so pissed. I just wanted to wear a dress.
Eventually I gave up fighting it and deemed it a date.
He was a great date, tho.




Have you ever stood under a moving train (it was on a bridge) that you ran in heels to catch?

I dont think so


Although, I did have to hold my tounge when the girl taking our orders said "Im all for womans rights but,ITS A DATE, HE HAS TO PAY"




IM GETTING AWAY FROM THE POINT.

So Im already annoyed that a female cant be out with a male without it being a date.

This ho waitress says "Wait, you aren't on a date?"


This poor boy looks at me and I turn to the waitress and say

"No, well, we used to date, and then we broke up. This is actually our first time hanging out since the break-up.Its kinda uncomfortable"

DUMB THING!
What was her motivation to ask that.


Possible outcomes:

• YES: "Its our first date and its incredibly awkward."
• NO: "I really have no feelings for this boy,even tho he wishes I did."

Seriously, what was a good outcome for her?

"Yeah we are on a date but I have this problem where I pay for meals with my vagina instead of my own money.So Im trying to cut back on it..."

She instantly freezes, feeling so awful.

Which is what I intended.

Of course Im with the nicest boy ever, and he and I reassure her that's not the case and we were just joking.

She then hated us for the rest of the night.

BUT SHE DIDN'T HATE MY NOT-DATES BEST FRIEND WHO WAS LITERALLY THE APPLEBEE'S CELEBRITY.

thats a story I dont even have the finger strength to type. 

I literally spent DAYS coming up with how to handle that situation. And that dumb piece of garbage just throws it all away.

THE WHOLE POINT OF ME SPLITTING THE CHECK WAS SO WE NEVER HAD TO DEFINE IF IT WAS A DATE.

ugh,such rage.

she was awful.

Make a big noise.

Today in Human sexuality we watched the Documentary Lets Talk About Sex


I know I'm a documentary pusher. I know I throw them your way. But honestly. This documentary is a direct reflection of my opinion on the connotation of sex here in the states.


I'd strongly suggest you watch the documentary before you read this blog post.

I can not convey strongly enough how much every single person in the united states NEEDS to watch this.



The documentary talks a lot about how for such a sexual culture (ads, tv, etc) that we are so sexually uneducated. Sexually Uneducated in the sense that sex or sexuality is frightening. We use scare tactics with our children. We teach them "Just wait until your married" even though WE didnt. We find condoms in our children's room and think confiscating them will fix the problem.


Parents are only using the tools they were given. Tools from parents who were just as uncomfortable and awkward as they are.


Guys. Its not working.

Thinking your kid is NOT included in the outrageous statistics of kids who loose their virginity before 18 is a serious danger.


Parents think these statics of teen sex and teen pregnancy and teen abortion come from another demographic, another part town ,another religion.

No, its your daughter.

Its your daughter who goes to church every Sunday  and signed a virginity pledge who lost her virginity at a party to someone she had just met.


And its your daughter who is too scarred out of her mind to talk to you.
So she is talking to her 16 year old best friend, who knows at little as she does.


And Im not going to stop talking about it because it makes you uncomfortable or it makes you question my promiscuity or it makes your 13 year old daughter ask questions.


Why is it so hard for a parent to talk to their child about sex?

Because society says it is.

Because we are all told its awkward.

Which is why it is.




Because we've all been told ITS BAD and ITS DANGEROUS and ITS SPECIAL and DONT EVEN THINK ABOUT IT and if you do think about it GO TAKE A SHOWER AND PRAY THAT YOU CAN STOP THINKING ABOUT IT


I have a friend who said "If my mom wouldn't have taken the time to talk about sex,even when its awkward, all I would know about sex is what I see on TV"


Do you want your kids learning about sex from TV SHOWS?!?!!?


You know how most kids find out about sex?

Google.

They google their questions.

Because mom and dad think if they don't talk about it, kids wont have questions.


And its not media marketing or the way your classmates dress that make you want to have sex.
Its the fact you are a human.


Parents think if they keep their kids away from all of that it wont be an issue.


Children don't develop their reproductive systems by watching TV or hearing the word SEX.

I refuse to conform with american society in saying  this subject is too taboo to talk about. Because its not.


YES its special
YES it comes with unimaginable responsibility and consequences
YES there is potential for danger



Your kids are having Sex.
Do they know about pre-ejaculate?
Do they know that 80% of  sexually active people have HPV?
Do they have the confidence to ask if their partner has been tested?
Do they feel too ashamed to buy condoms?


Does your daughter have the confidence to say no?



Everyone told me "Dont loose your virginity before your married, like I did, you'll regret it.Trust me"
"Just stop sleeping over at his house. Dont have sex"


No one told me why Id regret it. No one told me anything but not to do it.

So when I did DECIDE do it, I was completely unprepared.
We thought if we didnt buy condoms, we wouldnt have sex.
So we had unprotected sex, because when the time came....neither of us had one.
And I had no idea that pre-ejaculate existed.
I was an 18 year old mormon girl.
Where was I going to get a condom?
Behind the locked cage at Safeway?
And then I told my young dumbass friends, who told me I was going to get pregnant if I didnt go take Plan B.

So then I drove my self to CVS and sheepishly asked the pharmacist for it.
I payed the 60 dollars which almost cleared out my checking account
I skipped my English 101 class and sat at my boyfriends dinner table with a sandwhich and a glass of water starring at the pill with tears in my eyes.
I took the two pills and threw the container away in someone else's trash can, so none of his family would see it.


I went home and slept. and slept. and bled. and cried. a lot.

I cried because I was terrified.
Because I had no idea what was happening in my body, or if Id just killed a baby.
I cried because I knew I wasnt going to marry this person.
I cried because I had just ruined my worth.
I cried because I had no one to talk to.


I cried because 60 dollars is a lot of money.

The next day I told my mom.
I had told her we had unprotected sex and that I'd taken Plan B and was afraid of the hormones Id put in my body.
My mother soothed the myths from my mind and reassured me she loved me. She offered suggestions of how to practice safe sex.
She told me not to tell my dad.

Who was quick to figure it out.

I have always been ridiculously grateful for the relationship that created with my mother.
I confided in her many more times about sex and birth control and relationships.
I had someone to answer any questions I chose to ask.
I didnt have to sneak around to find birth control
I didnt have to lie and say I was sleeping at my best girlfriends house.




She never once judged me or told me Id regret it.


We were past the point of prevention. It was time for upkeep.



Months before, I casually brought up that things were getting pretty serious with myself and this boy. And if I was to have sex with him if she would want to know.
She answered me "That is none of my business. But if you feel comfortable telling me, Id like to know"

So I did.
I upheld my end of the deal,and she with hers.



Why did I do all of this.
Because sex isnt something to take lightly.
I was making grown up decisions which undoubtedly came with their grown up consequences.
I wasn't like my friends who were hiding their birth control and saying they were sleeping at my house.

Out of a class of 30 people , I was one of 3 to tell my parents about my first sexual encounter.
Kids dont talk to their parents about sex. I was the exception. Not the rule.

And I still am.

Stop teaching your kids its bad. Stop teaching your kids not to ask questions. Stop teaching your kids to be ashamed of their body parts.


Because 18 years of opinion doesn't go away in one night just because a ring is on your finger.


And if you are someone reading this with questions, I genuinely hope you find the courage to a) stand behind your calculated decisions and b) find someone safe to confide in.

And if you cant find anyone safe, you are MORE than welcome to confide in me.

There's a limit to your love

Today a man came through my line with a tiny pink tricycle.


He said "Its not for him" gesturing to his tiny son.


I had over heard his mother say while pushing him around in it "We are getting it, and I don't care that's its pink, he likes it"



As the man  handed it to me to scan, I replied "Im a sociology major. This doesn't weird me out."




 How heart breaking this total stranger felt the need to defend his purchase for his infant son to me.

There's no denying the mess that I got us in

Did you know people at work think I'm ugly?


The other day this Regular comes in and asked me if I was Mormon.

I replied "I am not, but I was raised Mormon. How did you know?"


"Because the way you do your hair. And your fingernails. And your dirty shoes."

I don't put much effort in at work.


And by much I mean none.


I never wear my hair down, and I probably use about 1 cent of make up on my face....


I hate painting my nails.
I do probably about 3 times a year.


I never use nail polish remover either.

So they get all chippy and yes, ghetto.


I also wear these hideous generic shock running shoes.

but they are like a bassinet for my feet.



So sum it up.
I look like garbage at work because Im there to work, not impress men. or women.


I get that.


But what I didnt know is that people  honestly think I'm ugly all the time.

Like Ill off-handledly mention how some guy hit on me last night, or that I went up and got some guys number somewhere...


And they think I'm telling a joke.


Like "Oh Britanee. She's funny, at least."



Today I put on lip stain and wore my hair down.
And removed my chipped nail polish.

the same regular came in and said "Are you wearing make up?"

"No" I said as I handed him back his receipt


He saw my now clean nails and smirked.


He said "You look good. A man should tell a woman when she looks good."

I said "I look good all the time, Fernando."

"No you dont."



My customers in line laughed, and so did I.


Its such a time warp.

I get treated the same way I did in high school.

And by that I mean I get looked over.



I want to realistically convey, it doesn't bother me.

I just think its really funny.

Dont get me wrong when I say, I am confident enough in myself to know how aesthetically pleasing I have the potential to be.


Its funny because all the boys at Goodwill treat me like an amateur and try to give me advice.

After relentless high school pick up lines I snapped to one of them:
"You wouldn't even know what to do with me. You've never met a female like me. Ever. So stop trying. You got all these girls around here eatin out of the palm of your hand. They are children. Dont for a second think you've got me."


I continued to ridicule him about his hickies. And that shut him up.





I feel like an undercover spy or something.































"You were there."