Then I was young and unafraid

When I was a senior in highschool, My young woman leaders had us wright a letter to ourselves to read in a year. I lost it.
Lately, I have been feeling super lost, I dont know what I want to do schooling wise, or career wise.
Im just not feeling like myself.
So I looked for my patriartichal blessing to read.( im not even gonna try to figure out how to spell that shish)
Upon looking for my patriartiichal blessing, I found the letter I wrote to myself almost 2 years ago.

Lets just say I was one smarrrrt 17 year old.



1/19/2011
Dear Me,
Man this is a big year for you. Graduating  Growin up. Right now Im listening to HSM2 while my young woman chatter in the background. I am so excited to see who you become. Things are gonna be crazy different by the end of this year, they better all be things you're proud of. I hope this summer is crazy memorable,make the most of it and do a lot of growing up. Please do whats best for you and not what may be best for others. Remember the person you want to be, and keep it in all you're decisions.
Its going to be nice to read this again, after the real tough decisions have been made. I really hope you find the courage to do what you know you need to. You can do it. Keep the good friends you have, and make lots of new ones.I hope you go out of your comfort zone and love it, and I hope you figure it all out.
Remember your standards and morals.Strengthen them. Dont be like all the other girls. Dont sell yourself short no matter how lonely you are  or how bad you want it to work. 
Strive to be a woman your family will be proud of,that people can look up to and depend on.
Have a lot of fun, enjoy the people around you,they are all very temporary. Appreciate them. Work to make others feel special. Always keep a level head. Be confident. 

Be who you want to be.

See ya in a year. 






I knew myself really well when I was 17.
I was scared to read this when I found it.

She came in threw the bathroom window

So the other night I was working on my research paper, which I planned to work on all night,when Taylor suggested we go play ultimate Frisbee.
I never turn down an oppritunity (how the balls do you spell that damn word.I give up) to show boys I am better at them than something ,so I agreed.
We get there....and this is not your average ultimate Frisbee  This is all full grown men with like muscle milk and a rating system The kind that dont come to chit chat-they come to play.
So im already a little intimidated.
Not to mention I am one of two females, and the other is like....the ultimate woman.
Pffft.


Anyway, I end up making really good friends with a few of my team mates,and so they feel inclined to include me despite my shouting "Im not good dont throw me the frisbee!".
And eventually they did throw me the frisbee.
I was wearing thees $5 keds with ZERO traction (because they matched my pants) a decision I instantly regretted and I began falling backwards towards the Arizona grass(concrete).

For real, instantly blacked out, saw neon green and blue stars and circles, and then came to.
Here is the order of my thoughts:

• You REALLY DO see stars
• ouch
• cussing
• get up britanee, your gonna look like a girl

So I get up, start cracking jokes, which I don't remember, and trying to make sense of what my brain was projecting as eye sight.

Image if your sight was a wet oil painting and someone just came up and started sloshing certain sections of it.

And my left arm was tingling 

That lasted for a bit.

I go up to Tay and say "Hey...we should probably leave after this watermelon washer..."

Taylor replies "Hmmmm....we should have driven separately."

"potato"

So I guess I ran around the field for like 2 more hours. I remember telling some boy "If I didnt have a boyfriend, I might give you a chance" and him replying "If I didnt have a fiance, I would still enjoy you as a friend"

So finally the game is over,and Taylor is driving me home. And Im just chattering and giggling. And then im like IM GONNA THROW UP. I dont remember much else about the ride home.

And then as soon as we got out of the car and got home I started shouting "MOM" 

I get into her room and my dad says "moms asleep"

And I said "Mom I have a concussion"

I have never seen my mom sit up so quickly.

And then I just started balling.

And saying the eff word.

and making jokes 

and repeating "I have to write an essay. I have to write an essay. Im gonna die in my sleep. I shoulda slept with Sean Ryan when I had the chance"

My parents thought it was really funny,actually. 

So then they are telling Taylor to take me to the emergency room and Taylor is like..."ehhhhh" and im like "EFF YO THIS IS YOUR FAULT YOU PIECE OF GARBAGE!"

And I didnt want my parents to have to stay up, cuz they have jobs.

So i just told them to wake me up every 3 hours, and I would go finish my research paper.

Then i looked up and I was at the computer and I was like...."how'd I get here....fingers make letters."

So then I started IMing my man friend,and jen

and they both are like "You psycho go to the hospital  And I was like I love you. Im not quite sure which one I said that to...

SO Jen, who lives in FLORENCE comes and gets me.

Sean Ryan  was going to , but i told him not to cuz he had work the next morning.

That and I did not want him to see my crying.

And shouting... apparently I had no control my vocal volume.

SO jen takes me to the hospital, and I guess I was just humming a lot to the nurses.

Anyway I got a CT scan. I wonder how much radiation is in that.....

And it came back fine

SO they were like...take some tylonal.

And i was like 

OI CUVULT 

and so I went home at 4 in the morning and fell asleep.

And then woke up for 10 am class.

I dont remember a lot. 

And even still, my memory is still groggy. I forget things that happened throughout the day.Its wicked hard to focus. Like i can not process my own thoughts and what someone else is saying to me. So people will just be talking to be and Ill start telling them a story that will take all my effort to finish. Also my head hurts like a mofo.I still have light and sound sensitivity. And my neck is the worst, I cant even lift my head up.
The weirdest part is that I have no appetite.
Like... I only eat food cuz Im like... "I havnt eaten in 12 hours....I should take care of that"
Is that a normal side effect?

My mom fell on her head once, and she has been retarded ever since, so i hope that doesn't happen to me...

But i mean, we all turn into our mothers, dont we....

And that is the sad reality of life.