Why you gotta be so rude?

Thoughts I just have to vocalize for now.


At this point in my life, I would be truly offended if someone asked my father if they could marry me. Truly.


The other day I was in math and I was like "I should go on a diet soon..."then I was like "Wait no I have actually important shit to do"
I had the same thought while looking at hair tutorials. hashtag objective hair out of my face hashtag top knot


It kills me when I post a status about female empowerment, gender roles, or domestic abuse and only females like it.



I love when people say "mankind"or "thats so gay"and then look at me and mockingly apologize to me and correct themselves, as if making a joke of my beliefs.
Keep teasing me about how inclusively and consciously I speak by speaking inclusively and consciously- I want you to.


The other day I realized "man" is  the base of "human".
Eff it.*rolls eyes and tosses hands up gingerly.*


Ive stopped giving power to the fact I will be viewed, perceived and treated differently because Im a woman and just started doing, saying, and reacting however I want to. Hashtag im too agressive Hashtag im too cocky hashtag im unapologetic.




Thats it.

So show me why you're strong-ignore everybody else.

Upon becoming an empty nester, my mother has started actively using her facebook, a first for her.

She signs her comments with her name.


My brother left for his mission about 3 or 4 weeks ago.

People are excited for him, so they often ask me about it. How he is doing, what I think of it...etc

I'm never as happy to talk about it as I feel they expected.


In fact for the first week I couldn't even talk about it without tearing up and consequently abruptly changing the subject.

My first email was nothing but jokes about how Im sure my life is more interesting than his.


My brother hugged me goodbye tight. My face in his shoulders, I could only hear the tears in his voice as he said "Ïm going to miss you so much, Im so proud of you, just keep doing what your doing, Im so proud of you - know that."

My response was a monotone "love you, bye"

I walked away fast.

because as anyone who I've broken up with knows, I'm not good with emotions I don't like and Im even worse with goodbyes.


My brother was inactive before I was. We became best friends once I attended college with him, and at the same time, became inactive myself.
We were each others allys when family came into town and aggressively "invited" us to church. Allys when we sat through cult-like ceremonies of children in all white.... him and I turning to each other with wide eyes and terrified eyebrows.

People around me have either forgotten or never knew how close Taylor and I were, not understanding my silence that glistens with anger.

As Taylor began ASU and I began devout feminism both distance and believes slowly lulled us from one another. My resentment and his admiration for the church growing at the same pace.

I cried when Taylor left, but I think I cried most when I found out he was leaving.

To me he's already been gone a long time.



Thats all Im really ready to say at this point.

And they're goin to better places, but our friends will be gone away

This semester has been without a doubt my favorite semester of all time. 

I moved out of my parents house. I live with a houseful of positive, encouraging and loving women. My room is cute.
I absolutely love where I live and who I live with.

I gave my first comprehensive sex education presentation. Multiple times.
Its crazy to think how far I've come in less than a year. I was grassrooting female sexual entitlement with efforts to avoid heternomativity? Last summer I wrote this blog, and look how far I've come since then.

After the presentation I was completely overcome with gratitude to those who encouraged me and supported me throughout the process. It was honestly so exhausting and I could not have done it without my support team and those who picked up my slack. Namely Mona ,Pixi, Nathan B., Sunny,my little sister Sarah and especially T for all the conversations in which she talked me down from my fears and insecurities involving the project and my ability level.
Thanks to the outrageous success of the shirt, this presentation had such high expectations, and I'm so grateful for everyone who contributed to my emotional, physical and academic ability to pull it off. It seriously was a team effort.



I ran for Student Body President and lost to the most deserving incredible candidate. Martin is already doing impressive things for the college community, and I can think of no one better fit for the position.

I was offered the position of Executive Director of the Events Programming Council, which I think of as home. I accepted , and consequently agreed to one more year at MCC. I will be filling some pretty big shoes.

     

                                                             






This was my first semester ever taking math or science courses, something I had put off because I felt incapable of doing well in those courses. I finished the semester with straight A's. Making my first ever A in math.









I have always known the kind of person I want to be, and this semester, I made real strides in achieving that.

I am completely blown away at the amazing opportunities I was given. More so, I was and am so deeply grateful for the amazing humans I met along the way. I was lucky enough to surround myself with people who genuinely shaped me into the best person I have ever been. These people made me value my experiences with MCC so much more than they will ever know.

This school year is a hard one to say goodbye to with so many of my close friends who have been so integral to my positive experiences headed off to university.
Next year has a lot to surpass,but I plan on it.

 

You're the only one that I want, think Im addicted to your light.

During the second week of school I met this human named T,who dressed sharp and stood out, as she was in no way like others at MCC.

I met her briefly at an EPC event, and thought nothing of it. Later in the day I walked into the EPC office and saw her. We started small talk that turned into me telling her things its taken me years to entrust in my closest friends. And she did likewise. I learned more of her queer sexuality and gender fluidity.

We were fast friends. I lit up every time I saw her.


A week or so later I asked her if she wanted to see a movie with me. She asked if it was a date and I answered yes.

Here is the thing its taken me a few years to realize.
Growing up Mormon, I think of dates much differently than others.
So while many people think a date is a small step of commitment, I think of a date as something you do involving chalk, ice cream, and the expectation of platonic friendship.


We went on the date and talked all about our sexuality.She had heard a lot of my reputation of being a man eater and told me she just needed to learn my language to know how to categorize me. I elaborated on my new label of "queer" which I had very recently enacted to unsubscribe from heteronormativity. I refused to cut off half the population just because I'd been socialized it was the normal thing, and didnt like that people could just assume my sexuality. I also informed her I have much stronger, quicker developing feelings for men,and have historically dated only men, and while I wouldn't rule out dating a girl, I didn't really see it happening.

She categorized me as straight female friend.


Due to this label, I trusted her with all my secrets. All the secrets about current situations with a certain boy, all my insecurities, everything really.

We just kept becoming stronger friends, and from that came a sense of protection. We were always looking out for the other.
T never made any advancements or attempts to sway me. T kept it more "just friends" than I did.


We went on a 4 day school trip to San Diego . Throughout this trip small things kept happening that would build into pretty undeniable "more-than-friend-feelings" . Things like collecting shells on the beach like little kids, things like her stepping between me and creepy men, things like brushing our teeth alongside each other at the end of the night, thinking that is how I wanted everyday to end.

One night on the light-rail to go downtown with all our friends,I held her hand for no reason. And then held her hand all night. And then on the entire bus drive home.

Something in our dynamic had shifted. I told T I didn't want  to change anything until I was sure of what it was.

Uhm,
That was a whole crazy process of me deciphering what I had learned though my socialization , where were actual feelings, and what was just exciting because it was new, and weighing a loss of privileged as a hetero-projecting person.
I did not overlook this process. I didn't just think..."Ill try this out" or "all the cool kids are doing it" or "this will teach my Mormon parents!"

T means more to me than most people I've ever met, and I would never do anything to just toy with her emotions.
Something was always different with T.

It was a whole self reflecting, societal reflecting, family reflecting process.
And eventually, it all just clicked and I didn't want anyone else. And I couldn't deny the completely new feelings.

And I will tell you, its not easy.
Its not easy to think my support of LGBTQ rights just lost all objectiveness, and therefore power.
Its not easy to have people think you are just a feminist because you're a lesbian (which I'm not, but whatever: labels.)
Its not easy to have you mom change the subject anytime you talk about how your date went that night.
Its not easy to have your dad remind you "God intends ultimate happiness between a married man and woman"
Its not easy to get disgusted stares from complete strangers just for holding someones hand.
Its not easy to kiss with one eye open so no one does or says anything to hurt the person you care about most.


But I think the hardest part is watching the person you care about most sit silently in a Thai restaurant and replay in her head the words of the women who thought it was her place to loudly reprimand us for publicly kissing, and know we can count on that happening again.



But. I couldn't image facing all that garbage with anyone else but her.
She makes me happy, shes socially aware, she's ridiculously musically talented, she's a genius who is probably finding allll the grammar errors in this right now,she dances like a complete bad-ass, she leaves class to find me when she hears I'm having a hard day, she stands for what she believes in with supportable data and passion, she respects every person she meets, she calms me down when I start acting straight crazy.


Last night, T took me on the best date of my entire life which consisted of tasty drinks alongside a lake, bongo lessons (I play claves like a pro) , a racist/sexist dog walker, consequential hilarious jokes about said dog-walker, delicious Thai food, and...wait for it...


MOTHER EFFFING DANCE LESSONS TO PARTITION



T was like..."oh lets stop in this dance studio to see my friends".
And then the instructor is like  "Want to learn this choreography to Partition?"


IF YOU KNOW ME YOU KNOW PARTITION IS MY JAMMMMMMMMMMMM. AND THIS WAS NOT PANSY STUFF. THIS WAS SOME NITTTTTTYYYGRIIITTTYY HIP HOP.

Best date of my life.
2 hours of Beyonce choreography.




Its unexpected. Its unorthodox. Its scary. Its my favorite.

She is my favorite.

So good.

People that put their passion before them being comfortable.

Last Friday I left for a Bridging Cultures trip with MCC.

I am incredibly fortunate to be handed so many opportunities this semester, its honestly changing me faster than I can keep up with.


We went to Tuscon, learned about border patrol, drug smuggling,the environmental detriments due to the WALL and the complicated process of legal application for citizenship.

Did you know citizenship application from mexico in 1993 are just now getting reviewed?. 

Someone who applied for legal citizenship would have to wait my lifetime.

I was greatly impacted by my perception of ignorance surrounding the border issue, and of course had another social justice issue to add to my list of passions. I don't mind. Id rather be informed and "angry" then blissfully apathetic

The next day we went to the Tohono O'odham Nation and learned about the effects of migrants and border patrol.

Did you know United Stated Border Patrol uses large amounts of  Tohono O'odham Nation land and only pays a $1 lease per year.


I had this crazy experience on top of a sacred mountain which consisted of me feeling completely connected to all humans, and consequently crying uncontrollably to the presenter afterward.
It was awesome.

  I saw the same passion and determination in her that I recognize within myself. I also saw her facing the same adversity. I saw her doing the dirty work. The hard work. The work that makes people think you are crazy and makes you lose friends and exhausts you to the point of laying awake at night. The work that opens peoples eyes and changes peoples heart at a glacier pace. I saw myself in her and it made me sad that our lives are both destined to be hard. But I also saw the same response to the struggle we both face.  We couldn't chose any other path, even if we wanted to, which we don't.

We then drove from Tucson to LA and I got road sickness for the first time ever, which was a neat experience.

While in LA we went to Cycadelic Records in Compton to learn about the Rodney King riots as well as the friction within Compton today.
Our Presenter , Lucia  was a female who spoke of growing up in Compton, who spoke of issues I recognize every day within my own town . She spoke my language, sociology terminology rhythmical flowing in her sentences, her passion for her education apparent.
A midst her sea of words she said a sentence I'm sure she never intended to be so impact-full.
"Im trying to write the book I never read"

That only sums up the reason for every single thing I do and every aspiration I have.

I asked her about her schooling after the presentation.
She informed me of her bachelors, and 2 masters all in fields of sociology and her current pursuit of her PhD.
Upon asking her age she answered "26."


Damn.




I have always hated the quote "You can not be what you can not see"

Its often used in feminist movement persuasion.

I never agreed with it because I feel like I have stood for many things I never saw someone stand for, and Im not someone who looks to see if others are doing it before I do so myself.
However, I will tell you, the most impact people in my life are females who do the unexpected. And in turn I believe I can do so too.

I never aspired to achieve a  Masters Degree until I met Mona Scott, who overcame unthinkable opposition to succeed.

And I never wanted 2 Masters until this weekend when I met Lucia.

The drive home from LA was filled more contemplation then I expected from this 4 day trip. Contemplation about social justice, about humanity, about my schooling and life choices.
I made a lot of decisions, but the one I am most sure in is that I now plan on getting 2 masters.
One in Human Sexuality
And one in Race.



BE what you can not see.

Ready or not, here I come

What a luxury it would be to speak out of emotion.
To have a trigger response, and for it to be heard, and respected, and thought to be educated and justified.


As a female, I have never had that luxury.
I must speak more eloquently, more logically, and more APOLOGETICALLY than my male counterpart, in order, not to be BELIEVED, but to not be immediately DISMISSED.

What a luxury it must be to feel like its your place to tell someone what they should have done differently,and for it to be considered an act of kindness.
When I do that, I am out of place, naggy.


What a luxury it must be to feel entitled to saying what you want.

I have never had that luxury.








Stop ignoring that you have more privilege than someone else simply because it makes you feel uncomfortable and do something constructive with it.


That is what I want to say.

But that is far too abrasive for this young white girl to be saying.
Instead she has to use words that make those who are over-privileged invisible, so they don't have to face the fact they have more ability to do something about it.
So they don't have to know what it feels like to be out of their comfort zone.
So we don't, for a second, have to know what it feels like to be underprivileged.
To not be white.

NCLC PART 1

As a member of epc I was invited to a National collegiate leaders conference in Tucson.

The trip getting here was crazy and stressful, but as soon as it started I was outrageously excited.

I walked into the giant banquet hall with music blasting and fancy finger foods. The music had a dirty beat, so of course I started getting down in this giant room full of collegiate leaders. I could see the uneasy look on my chaperones faces, until the director of the conference came over and danced with me.  

Side note: the entire board of directors for
the conference are ALL females. Swooooonn

My workshop options are outrageously hard to choose from. I struggle between workshops focused on female empowerment or racial awareness. 

Tonight I went to a workshop called "paying for equality: female or re-male"

This class was especially cool because I learned the differance between equity and equality. I can't wait to bring that up in dialogues about gender.
I also learned a lot of techniques on productive discussion techniques and how to foster a respectful dialogue.

Tomorrow I am going to:
Female equality is a team sport
Leadership: embracing femininity
Confidence. Passion. Vision. Beyonce

I am still deciding between one more workshop slot to be filled either by one about race, or bringing social change through technology.

It's hard because there are multiple workshops Im interested in, but they are all in the same time slot.

Every where I went throughout the conference I would introduce myself and they would say "oh I know who you are,I saw you dancing"

SIDE NOTE: My girl Sunny started the wobble and it caught like wild fire. MCC definitely stood out .

Anyway,I have yoga at 8 am and before that I have a fancy breakfast.
This conference is so dope , it's unbelievable. I wanted to write so I wouldn't forget the good stuff (BECAUSE I LEFT A NOTEBOOK AT HOME)
But I'm on my phone and it's late. So in going to sleep.

Speak until the dust settles in the same specific place.

What has our little girl become?
Too loud, too shocking, wont play dumb
Constantly reminding us of things we refuse to mention
Cant understand why she wants all this attention
We know she just does it just to see jaws drop
Forget that she might want oppression to stop.

She cant take a joke, cant just laugh along
We can never say the right thing, all we spew is wrong
Shouldn't have let her go off and get an education
Open her mind to her past's manipulation
Shouldn't have let her realize world is slowly drowning
Instead, we should focus on the only thing we know,our surroundings.

And everyone around is starting to learn more
She is proving them right, they know shes a whore
"This is not who we raised you to be
Be ladylike, you're embarrassing me. "
I know I lost my virginity before marriage too,
but my kid wont, she will know the religion  is true.
You are the face of something we can only resent
Don't want to hear premarital sex is at 91 percent.

Hope its just a phase or we lost her
Doesn't fit the mold? Just toss her.
Don't take a second glance to realize her worth
Shes got too many injustices she wants to unearth
She wont stay quiet even at thanksgiving
How could she not love the life shes living?
Never had to work for anything shes was given
Its not because the color of her skin its because shes driven
Well if shes not, her parents sure are
Easy loans on the house and the car
But that's because her dad worked hard, and his dad did too
Only white people work hard, its been proven true.




I'm too exhausted to change minds, and too enlightened to stay silent
You're telling me this is just the way it is, I don't buy it.
Slowly suffocated by the ignorance
Everyday its getting harder to live like this
A house divided and someone has got to be wrong for the other to be right
But remember,only men may initiate the fight
"Britanee, stay quiet you know he has a temper,
Please just wash the dish", as if that's what I'm meant for.
"but this isn't an example of inequality"
I'm mopping the floors while hes watching cable TV
Women around me tell me they like it, "He has his job and I have mine"
"I like taking care of him, Britanee, its fine"
Trouble is being nurturing seems to equate to being inferior
Handed my "job" as soon as a doctor could decipher my exterior




Its too close to home to keep our voices down
Forget all considerations, make it personal now
Breath through the pounding in your chest
Cant see your point of view, wont give it a rest.
We both speak of things the other can not see
You speak of a God, and I speak of inequality.

She keeps me warm.

Would I date me if I was a boy?


He would be physically attractive.
He would be smooth.
He would know exactly what to say to make that thing happen where your heart speeds up and it feels like sunrays are filling your lungs, to produce the kind of smile you feel in your ears before it creeps across your face.

He'd know reminding you you don't have a chance with him only makes you want him more.
You'd swear to your friends  he is different than everyone thinks he is.
You would ignore the stream of broken hearts trailing behind him.
You would think you are different.


He would take me on the most thoughtful, creative dates.
He'd give me heartfelt gifts.
Sometimes he'd care what Im talking about, but he also gets bored easily.


He would live with his parents.
He would preach he doesn't have a job because he hates corporations, but he would also admit its because his parents white privilege supports him while he goes to school which they pay for.
He would state bold opinions (that people would unquestioningly listen to).

He would be open about his sexuality
He'd say sex is subjective, and just because penile vaginal intercourse took place doesn't mean he had sex.
He would say sex without a condom indeed feels better.
He would say his number doesn't define him, and is consequently none of your business.
He would say everyone should feel free to masturbate.
He would be hoping for sex almost every time you spent the night. Sometimes, he would get frustrated with you for not giving it to him.


His career aspirations are guaranteed to bring in just enough money, if that.
He disrespects his mother.
And he drives a 96 Saturn hatchback with peeling interior.
He wouldn't take me to expensive restaurants, not often anyway. He would take me to farmers markets, though. Then we would cook a meal together. And both do the dishes.



He would flirt with other girls because it makes him feel in control. And to him, it doesn't really mean anything.


Would I date the boy version of myself?

He seems like he has some great characteristics. He sounds like a good friend, but not really long term material. He doesn't make enough money, nor will he ever, he doesn't have enough current motivation, and he kind of sounds like a tool in the bedroom.



Why are my aspirations empowering, but his are not?

.

I want a dog.
I want a haircut.
I want a job that terrifies me.
I want adventure.


I like who I am.
I like my ability to be friendly
I like my ability to be mean
I like that I self reflect.


I like that I make mistakes
I like that I apologize.
I like that I learn
I like that I have become wise.


I like things that scare me.
I like opportunities to grow.
I like being firm in my opinions
I like developing  new ones.


I like choices.

We teach girls to shrink themselves,to make themselves smaller.

I sit stewing, waiting for my computer to open my only outlet that calms me on days like this. Ironically the only page that will load is lds.org , mocking me, the sickest joke I can think of.
The home page proudly presents a picture of a young, blonde white girl quoted to exclaim "I get my courage from him"

The universe will only let me look at one of the main things I blame for my socialization to be weak, to succumb to what I'm taught, to refrain from questioning authority.
 The very institution that told me to be quiet always, but especially in disagreement with doctrine.
 However, if the holy spirt didn't remind me enough , Some while male authority figure would.

The page that represents every reason my parents are disappointed in me. 

The place that first and foremost loudly remind me "stay in your place", as if i don't hear it enough in every single interaction I have daily.

An unquestionable justification for the oppression of others.




Thankfully, the God I believed in stepped in, and loaded gmail.

My head physically hurts from how tightly I am clenching my jaw.

Sociology majors often speak of "the wall"

"Sooner or later you will hit a wall, seeing how little you can do. You will be discouraged, its important to work around that" Jamie Bellem tells me as we sit drinking overpriced milkshakes in a Ma and Pa shop.


While I have hit many fences in the past, today I hit a wall.
 I don't feel helpless, as he warned, I do feel exhausted. Infinitely exhausted.


It all started with my Women in Religion class.

The teacher asked if we believe social, political and economic equality has been reached between the sexes.

The girl next to me answers "It depends where you are. Cuz I don't think its been reached in other parts of the world, but in America, yes it has."

The class audibly erupted in laughter as I made the most disgusted-disagreeing face.

Nails digging into the bottom of my chair I remembered everything I've learned about socialization, how we are all part of a system that is duping us into believing we are the best country in the world, but more than anything, I remembered the only way you are heard , as a woman anyway, is by being rational.

So I went with the most rational thing there is - money.

You want someone to get on board with your idea, always start with money.


I began with the easiest to see, economic inequality. I continued to explain a woman makes 77 cents to every dollar a male makes.


The heterosexual white son of a politician, a fellow student, raises his hand , thinking that is the only  requirements for an acceptable time to speak.

Interrupting me he spouts "The article you are citing is incorrect. its actually information from the 70's"


Furious I retort "Oh you know the exact article Im citing? Please tell me its tittle"


He continues, unphased "I've actually conducted the research myself"


"I'm sure that is academically sound, I will have no hesitation believing its accuracy" I QUIETLY say.

The teacher jumps in , quick to pick up that Im not like other girls and this could get out of hand quickly.

"Bring your data and we will compare the two." my female professor compromises.


The fellow student  finds me after class and haughtily announces  "Woman make a dollar and three cents to every male's dollar"

"Yeah we will see about that" I say


Today in class he brings a 50 page article suggesting the pay gap is only 4-7 percent, but after other variables such as health care, there is no pay gap.

And here is where things happened in slow motion in my smaller brain.

"OK." I said smiling


Want to know why?

Because the article this q-tip male was holding in front of me does not change anything about the fact there is not social, political and economic equality between genders. Even if it was sound, which it wasn't. This white heterosexual male holding his newest model laptop up to my face in his own micro victory was not going to help anyone who is oppressed.


Because what the fuck is the point in arguing with this nobody? I chose to stay quiet, because my words would make no difference.

We were then asked if we identified as feminists. Many people didnt raise their hands, I felt the need to explain feminist often has a negative connotation , but there are many different kinds.
I was speaking to the fact there are 5 main types of feminism: socialist, cultural, eco, radical and liberal.
The teacher asked me to explain each and while on one of the definitions the same fellow student from the previous altercation blurts out "Actually, that pertains more to eco feminism, you're incorrect."

For the rest of my life, I will regret not shouting
THIS IS AN EXAMPLE OF SOCIAL INEQUALITY, LOUISE, WE HAVE BEEN TAUGHT IT IS ACCEPTABLE NOT ONLY THAT YOU INTERPRETED ME WHILE I WAS SPEAKING, BUT THAT YOU THEN CORRECTED ME. I HAVE BEEN TAUGHT TO STAY QUIET, YOU HAVE BEEN TAUGHT TO INTERRUPT.

This might not seem like a big deal, but when you break it down, this is everything I fight against.


He felt he knew better than what I was saying. He felt entitled to the time and space my definition was currently taking. He felt entitled to correcting me.
My words have so little value, he may speak over them.
He did so much more than speak while I was speaking.

And he didn't do this to be malicious or to be a asshole, he did it because that is what males are allowed to do. Because we have been socialized to let males speak to how much they know best, and we have been socialized not to question them.

Even I let him speak over me. Even I saw it as standard.

In my race class, Mona Scott was citing that those who get the most attention in a classroom are statistically white heterosexual males.

Instantly 2 white heterosexual males raise their hands in disagreement.

One very respectful, nice white male says "I don't want what I say in this class to simply be disregarded because of my race and gender"

Mona eloquently replies "That is the beauty of privilege, you never had what you say disregarded based on your race and gender. In this society, white men can say anything. Even if its unfounded"



Thats when I made this connection.
I hear all this crazy ass shit my brother or father or male classmates say and think "Why are they saying this. I would never say that out loud. I would never feel the need to"

Many women in my Women and Religion class reported there being no need for Feminism, because they have not been personally effected by gender inequality.
I guess they have never kept track of how many men interrupt them.


I am exhausted of trying to enlighten people to just how oppressed they are. All of these woman who think just because they did the dishes and mowed the lawn that they are equal. Men and woman who think, since they can not see oppression at a micro level (i.e. in their family) there is none at a macro level. Im exhausted with inequality being so engraved that we cant even see it.I'm exhausted with arguing about the biological differences in men and woman being the reason my job is to be a mother while his job is to be whatever he sets his big ol' mind to.
But most of all, I am exhausted with white males interrupting me.

We're so much more than pointless fixtures

The other day I had a friend message me and tell me a story about a 4 year old girl who started sobbing while in her one piece swim suit complaining that she was too fat.

While my friend was shocked that body image issues could start so young, I was not.

He asked my opinions of where these thoughts could be coming from, since he knew no one in the family was telling her she was fat and its not like shes getting bullied at school,since she isnt even old enough to go yet.

I explained that no one has to tell her shes fat.

My hypothesis was that she probably sees her mom look in the mirror while standing sideways, sucking in and out, with a disproving look on her face.
Or hears her mom say she feel fat today.
Or hears her dad joke about how fat that girl walking down the street was.
Or see's how little the characters on My Little Pony eat to stay in shape.



I know plenty about the socialization of our thoughts, how many of our opinions were formed for us, and how you don't have to recognize social forces for them to have power over you.
But I never figured this one out till now.

I have plenty of friends with body confidence issues. They constantly ask me how I have so much confidence in my body, and if I can teach them.
I have always felt confidence is not something you can teach.
I really couldn't figure out where mine came from exactly.

Beyonce, mostly.

While pondering the situation of the 4 year old who thinks shes too fat, here are some things I came up with to prevent more girls from having to feel the same way.

Stop talking about how fat you are, or how fat you feel.

 It invites those around you to criticize themselves as well.
As well as just makes everyone around you uncomfortable and forces them to prop you up.
I know we all have our fat days, that's the human in us, but really, no one wants to hear it...
There is a difference between venting to a close friend and screaming it from the rooftops.

Talk positively about your body in public. 

And not in an objectifying way.
For me this would be vocalizing my love for my thick thighs and appreciating my slender upper body or checking myself out in mirrors I pass.
 Be an example that allows those around you to see its OK to love your body.
No more jokes about my sweet ass being consolation for my tiny boobs.

 This one can be tricky, because where is the line between body confidence and objectification? While I could write an entire post about that , in short I will say : Its subjective, find yours! Isn't that cool that you get to form your own opinion? 

More importantly ,

 Talk positively about your non-physical attributes. 

Speak more value into your personalty traits. Stop telling girls they are pretty or beautiful or gorgeous. Stop teaching them their worth is in their outer appearance. Remind those around you of the beautiful qualities that are innately within them.

Examine your media. 

What is it teaching you how you should look? About how your significant other should look?
Stop supporting media that harshly critiques woman and men.
Make an attempt to become more aware of how unrealistic glorified bodies are.
Even Beyonce wears Spanx.
You really think she has that hip-to-waist ratio? Not a chance.


forgive me my sins Queen Bey

We all get so heartbroken or frustrated when someone close to us expresses being discouraged with their bodies. We cant see how this stunning, curvaceous woman could feel fat and unattractive while every guy in the room is drooling over her. Or how this adorable girl feels too ugly to go to school. We fail to recognize the part we take in it.  Maybe she learned it from me, last weekend when I joked that the squeaking of my chair as I sat down  gave me an eating disorder.



I realized the way to teach confidence is to be an example of it. 

Don't tell you daughters they don't need makeup and then refuse to leave the house without it.

Don't tell your little sister shes beautiful, and then joke about how you would never do some girl unless she had a bag over her head.

Stop telling your scrawny best friend he's perfect the way he is, and then licking your lips at the shirtless ripped man who just happened to run past.

Seriously? Its January sir, wear a shirt.


Body Issues are prevalent, deeply engraved,and show no gender bias. They are more complicated than I let on.
 But I think they could definitely get a bit better if we think critically and assume our own responsibility in their perpetuation. Because you never know what little girl is looking to you to model how she should feel about herself.

Stop reassuring those around you when they complain of how fat they are. Stop tolerating negative body comments from those around you.
The other night my little sisters and I made a pact to eliminate negative body talk in front of each other. And when we slip up, we tactfully and kindly remind each other of the aforementioned pact.
You don't have to stop the party and start preaching, but you can definitely raise some awareness.

Your body is amazing. Its how you are alive as you read this. Its what gets you every where you need to go. Stop bullying it.