Today I went to Mountain View to get transcripts so I can take hard classes in college.
For those of you who dont know, Mountain view is a fortress. Sneaking onto that campus is impossible.We are talking men with secret service ear pieces and air surveillance.
However, this time, I had the perfect alibi.
I walked right into the office did what I needed to do, and then snuck out the back and went to visit the man I would give my unwanted baby to, Todd (a teacher).
I hurried in (still scared of getting caught) and asked the clump of students sitting at the aide desk (a desk I spent much time at during my final years in high school) where Todd was
"I dunno"
they answered dumbly.
"How do you not know?" Some aides.
"BAT CAVE" I shouted and scuried to the tiny room Todd sometimes occupied for video stuff for the school.
He was busy talking to some authority ,so I quickly ducked out of the room and returned to the sucky aides.
"Who do you aide for?" The kid asked me
"Everyone" I said bluntly, keeping my eyes out for security.
"No I mean this hour"
"Mr. Ross"
"Oh"
"No. not really, I graduated like 5 years ago and I snuck on campus and im trying not to get caught, so just act natural"
"You think you're hardcore?"
"Im sorry?"
"Your voice."
"Im sick"
Todd walked out and the kid said "Hey , Todd, is she in college?"
Todd, covering for me , not knowing Id already spilled the beans replied "No she goes here. Shes a junior."
The kids all chattered about how I was a liar and Todd had given away my lie.
The boy said "She thinks shes hard core.First she wouldn't tell me who she aided for, and then she tried to tell me she is in college"
Yeah , whatever kid.
Then I went to the pharmacy and begrudgingly picked up a z-pack for my throat.
The pharmasist informed me to take the pills on an empty stomach.
"Man, that sucks, I love eating, my stomach is never empty"
he said "oh you dont look like it, as skinny as you are"
Im not gonna pretend I wasnt flattered.
However, I realised , people think im one of them. THe girl who can eat whatever she wants and has no idea what its like to be concerned with weight gain.
However I do want to shed light on the fact I eat like a maniac.
Im so attracted to myself.
I love when I eat large amounts and people are surprised.
I love food. And girls who don't are just a waste of your money.
The other night after my Improv show we went to Red Robin and I knew I wanted dessert. Thats all I cared about during the deciding process of after show food. Somewhere with dessert.
We went to red robin and I got this
Its really giant.
And apparently no one else wanted any,
I ate a pretty big potion.
I was so tired and sick and no one else was eating it.
So I kicked off my shoes, laid down in the bench and peaked up at the cake and said "Its just you and me, big boy" as I nudged it with my spoon.
I love food.
I want some right now but i just took my antibiotics.
Also known as THE DEVIL.
ughhhh.
Now im fighting the urge to go asleep.
If Im not eating, whats the point of being awake?
