What has our little girl become?
Too loud, too shocking, wont play dumb
Constantly reminding us of things we refuse to mention
Cant understand why she wants all this attention
We know she just does it just to see jaws drop
Forget that she might want oppression to stop.
She cant take a joke, cant just laugh along
We can never say the right thing, all we spew is wrong
Shouldn't have let her go off and get an education
Open her mind to her past's manipulation
Shouldn't have let her realize world is slowly drowning
Instead, we should focus on the only thing we know,our surroundings.
And everyone around is starting to learn more
She is proving them right, they know shes a whore
"This is not who we raised you to be
Be ladylike, you're embarrassing me. "
I know I lost my virginity before marriage too,
but my kid wont, she will know the religion is true.
You are the face of something we can only resent
Don't want to hear premarital sex is at 91 percent.
Hope its just a phase or we lost her
Doesn't fit the mold? Just toss her.
Don't take a second glance to realize her worth
Shes got too many injustices she wants to unearth
She wont stay quiet even at thanksgiving
How could she not love the life shes living?
Never had to work for anything shes was given
Its not because the color of her skin its because shes driven
Well if shes not, her parents sure are
Easy loans on the house and the car
But that's because her dad worked hard, and his dad did too
Only white people work hard, its been proven true.
I'm too exhausted to change minds, and too enlightened to stay silent
You're telling me this is just the way it is, I don't buy it.
Slowly suffocated by the ignorance
Everyday its getting harder to live like this
A house divided and someone has got to be wrong for the other to be right
But remember,only men may initiate the fight
"Britanee, stay quiet you know he has a temper,
Please just wash the dish", as if that's what I'm meant for.
"but this isn't an example of inequality"
I'm mopping the floors while hes watching cable TV
Women around me tell me they like it, "He has his job and I have mine"
"I like taking care of him, Britanee, its fine"
Trouble is being nurturing seems to equate to being inferior
Handed my "job" as soon as a doctor could decipher my exterior
Its too close to home to keep our voices down
Forget all considerations, make it personal now
Breath through the pounding in your chest
Cant see your point of view, wont give it a rest.
We both speak of things the other can not see
You speak of a God, and I speak of inequality.
Wednesday, January 29, 2014
Monday, January 27, 2014
She keeps me warm.
Would I date me if I was a boy?
He would be physically attractive.
He would be smooth.
He would know exactly what to say to make that thing happen where your heart speeds up and it feels like sunrays are filling your lungs, to produce the kind of smile you feel in your ears before it creeps across your face.
He'd know reminding you you don't have a chance with him only makes you want him more.
You'd swear to your friends he is different than everyone thinks he is.
You would ignore the stream of broken hearts trailing behind him.
You would think you are different.
He would take me on the most thoughtful, creative dates.
He'd give me heartfelt gifts.
Sometimes he'd care what Im talking about, but he also gets bored easily.
He would live with his parents.
He would preach he doesn't have a job because he hates corporations, but he would also admit its because his parents white privilege supports him while he goes to school which they pay for.
He would state bold opinions (that people would unquestioningly listen to).
He would be open about his sexuality
He'd say sex is subjective, and just because penile vaginal intercourse took place doesn't mean he had sex.
He would say sex without a condom indeed feels better.
He would say his number doesn't define him, and is consequently none of your business.
He would say everyone should feel free to masturbate.
He would be hoping for sex almost every time you spent the night. Sometimes, he would get frustrated with you for not giving it to him.
His career aspirations are guaranteed to bring in just enough money, if that.
He disrespects his mother.
And he drives a 96 Saturn hatchback with peeling interior.
He wouldn't take me to expensive restaurants, not often anyway. He would take me to farmers markets, though. Then we would cook a meal together. And both do the dishes.
He would flirt with other girls because it makes him feel in control. And to him, it doesn't really mean anything.
Would I date the boy version of myself?
He seems like he has some great characteristics. He sounds like a good friend, but not really long term material. He doesn't make enough money, nor will he ever, he doesn't have enough current motivation, and he kind of sounds like a tool in the bedroom.
Why are my aspirations empowering, but his are not?
He would be physically attractive.
He would be smooth.
He would know exactly what to say to make that thing happen where your heart speeds up and it feels like sunrays are filling your lungs, to produce the kind of smile you feel in your ears before it creeps across your face.
He'd know reminding you you don't have a chance with him only makes you want him more.
You'd swear to your friends he is different than everyone thinks he is.
You would ignore the stream of broken hearts trailing behind him.
You would think you are different.
He would take me on the most thoughtful, creative dates.
He'd give me heartfelt gifts.
Sometimes he'd care what Im talking about, but he also gets bored easily.
He would live with his parents.
He would preach he doesn't have a job because he hates corporations, but he would also admit its because his parents white privilege supports him while he goes to school which they pay for.
He would state bold opinions (that people would unquestioningly listen to).
He would be open about his sexuality
He'd say sex is subjective, and just because penile vaginal intercourse took place doesn't mean he had sex.
He would say sex without a condom indeed feels better.
He would say his number doesn't define him, and is consequently none of your business.
He would say everyone should feel free to masturbate.
He would be hoping for sex almost every time you spent the night. Sometimes, he would get frustrated with you for not giving it to him.
His career aspirations are guaranteed to bring in just enough money, if that.
He disrespects his mother.
And he drives a 96 Saturn hatchback with peeling interior.
He wouldn't take me to expensive restaurants, not often anyway. He would take me to farmers markets, though. Then we would cook a meal together. And both do the dishes.
He would flirt with other girls because it makes him feel in control. And to him, it doesn't really mean anything.
Would I date the boy version of myself?
He seems like he has some great characteristics. He sounds like a good friend, but not really long term material. He doesn't make enough money, nor will he ever, he doesn't have enough current motivation, and he kind of sounds like a tool in the bedroom.
Why are my aspirations empowering, but his are not?
Monday, January 20, 2014
.
I want a dog.
I want a haircut.
I want a job that terrifies me.
I want adventure.
I like who I am.
I like my ability to be friendly
I like my ability to be mean
I like that I self reflect.
I like that I make mistakes
I like that I apologize.
I like that I learn
I like that I have become wise.
I like things that scare me.
I like opportunities to grow.
I like being firm in my opinions
I like developing new ones.
I like choices.
I want a haircut.
I want a job that terrifies me.
I want adventure.
I like who I am.
I like my ability to be friendly
I like my ability to be mean
I like that I self reflect.
I like that I make mistakes
I like that I apologize.
I like that I learn
I like that I have become wise.
I like things that scare me.
I like opportunities to grow.
I like being firm in my opinions
I like developing new ones.
I like choices.
Friday, January 17, 2014
We teach girls to shrink themselves,to make themselves smaller.
I sit stewing, waiting for my computer to open my only outlet that calms me on days like this. Ironically the only page that will load is lds.org , mocking me, the sickest joke I can think of.
The home page proudly presents a picture of a young, blonde white girl quoted to exclaim "I get my courage from him"
The universe will only let me look at one of the main things I blame for my socialization to be weak, to succumb to what I'm taught, to refrain from questioning authority.
The very institution that told me to be quiet always, but especially in disagreement with doctrine.
However, if the holy spirt didn't remind me enough , Some while male authority figure would.
An unquestionable justification for the oppression of others.
Thankfully, the God I believed in stepped in, and loaded gmail.
My head physically hurts from how tightly I am clenching my jaw.
Sociology majors often speak of "the wall"
"Sooner or later you will hit a wall, seeing how little you can do. You will be discouraged, its important to work around that" Jamie Bellem tells me as we sit drinking overpriced milkshakes in a Ma and Pa shop.
While I have hit many fences in the past, today I hit a wall.
I don't feel helpless, as he warned, I do feel exhausted. Infinitely exhausted.
It all started with my Women in Religion class.
The teacher asked if we believe social, political and economic equality has been reached between the sexes.
The girl next to me answers "It depends where you are. Cuz I don't think its been reached in other parts of the world, but in America, yes it has."
The class audibly erupted in laughter as I made the most disgusted-disagreeing face.
Nails digging into the bottom of my chair I remembered everything I've learned about socialization, how we are all part of a system that is duping us into believing we are the best country in the world, but more than anything, I remembered the only way you are heard , as a woman anyway, is by being rational.
So I went with the most rational thing there is - money.
You want someone to get on board with your idea, always start with money.
I began with the easiest to see, economic inequality. I continued to explain a woman makes 77 cents to every dollar a male makes.
The heterosexual white son of a politician, a fellow student, raises his hand , thinking that is the only requirements for an acceptable time to speak.
Interrupting me he spouts "The article you are citing is incorrect. its actually information from the 70's"
Furious I retort "Oh you know the exact article Im citing? Please tell me its tittle"
He continues, unphased "I've actually conducted the research myself"
"I'm sure that is academically sound, I will have no hesitation believing its accuracy" I QUIETLY say.
The teacher jumps in , quick to pick up that Im not like other girls and this could get out of hand quickly.
"Bring your data and we will compare the two." my female professor compromises.
The fellow student finds me after class and haughtily announces "Woman make a dollar and three cents to every male's dollar"
"Yeah we will see about that" I say
Today in class he brings a 50 page article suggesting the pay gap is only 4-7 percent, but after other variables such as health care, there is no pay gap.
And here is where things happened in slow motion in my smaller brain.
"OK." I said smiling
Want to know why?
Because the article this q-tip male was holding in front of me does not change anything about the fact there is not social, political and economic equality between genders. Even if it was sound, which it wasn't. This white heterosexual male holding his newest model laptop up to my face in his own micro victory was not going to help anyone who is oppressed.
Because what the fuck is the point in arguing with this nobody? I chose to stay quiet, because my words would make no difference.
We were then asked if we identified as feminists. Many people didnt raise their hands, I felt the need to explain feminist often has a negative connotation , but there are many different kinds.
I was speaking to the fact there are 5 main types of feminism: socialist, cultural, eco, radical and liberal.
The teacher asked me to explain each and while on one of the definitions the same fellow student from the previous altercation blurts out "Actually, that pertains more to eco feminism, you're incorrect."
For the rest of my life, I will regret not shouting
THIS IS AN EXAMPLE OF SOCIAL INEQUALITY, LOUISE, WE HAVE BEEN TAUGHT IT IS ACCEPTABLE NOT ONLY THAT YOU INTERPRETED ME WHILE I WAS SPEAKING, BUT THAT YOU THEN CORRECTED ME. I HAVE BEEN TAUGHT TO STAY QUIET, YOU HAVE BEEN TAUGHT TO INTERRUPT.
This might not seem like a big deal, but when you break it down, this is everything I fight against.
He felt he knew better than what I was saying. He felt entitled to the time and space my definition was currently taking. He felt entitled to correcting me.
My words have so little value, he may speak over them.
He did so much more than speak while I was speaking.
And he didn't do this to be malicious or to be a asshole, he did it because that is what males are allowed to do. Because we have been socialized to let males speak to how much they know best, and we have been socialized not to question them.
Even I let him speak over me. Even I saw it as standard.
In my race class, Mona Scott was citing that those who get the most attention in a classroom are statistically white heterosexual males.
Instantly 2 white heterosexual males raise their hands in disagreement.
One very respectful, nice white male says "I don't want what I say in this class to simply be disregarded because of my race and gender"
Mona eloquently replies "That is the beauty of privilege, you never had what you say disregarded based on your race and gender. In this society, white men can say anything. Even if its unfounded"
Thats when I made this connection.
I hear all this crazy ass shit my brother or father or male classmates say and think "Why are they saying this. I would never say that out loud. I would never feel the need to"
Many women in my Women and Religion class reported there being no need for Feminism, because they have not been personally effected by gender inequality.
I guess they have never kept track of how many men interrupt them.
I am exhausted of trying to enlighten people to just how oppressed they are. All of these woman who think just because they did the dishes and mowed the lawn that they are equal. Men and woman who think, since they can not see oppression at a micro level (i.e. in their family) there is none at a macro level. Im exhausted with inequality being so engraved that we cant even see it.I'm exhausted with arguing about the biological differences in men and woman being the reason my job is to be a mother while his job is to be whatever he sets his big ol' mind to.
But most of all, I am exhausted with white males interrupting me.
The home page proudly presents a picture of a young, blonde white girl quoted to exclaim "I get my courage from him"
The universe will only let me look at one of the main things I blame for my socialization to be weak, to succumb to what I'm taught, to refrain from questioning authority.
The very institution that told me to be quiet always, but especially in disagreement with doctrine.
However, if the holy spirt didn't remind me enough , Some while male authority figure would.
The page that represents every reason my parents are disappointed in me.
The place that first and foremost loudly remind me "stay in your place", as if i don't hear it enough in every single interaction I have daily.An unquestionable justification for the oppression of others.
Thankfully, the God I believed in stepped in, and loaded gmail.
My head physically hurts from how tightly I am clenching my jaw.
Sociology majors often speak of "the wall"
"Sooner or later you will hit a wall, seeing how little you can do. You will be discouraged, its important to work around that" Jamie Bellem tells me as we sit drinking overpriced milkshakes in a Ma and Pa shop.
While I have hit many fences in the past, today I hit a wall.
I don't feel helpless, as he warned, I do feel exhausted. Infinitely exhausted.
It all started with my Women in Religion class.
The teacher asked if we believe social, political and economic equality has been reached between the sexes.
The girl next to me answers "It depends where you are. Cuz I don't think its been reached in other parts of the world, but in America, yes it has."
The class audibly erupted in laughter as I made the most disgusted-disagreeing face.
Nails digging into the bottom of my chair I remembered everything I've learned about socialization, how we are all part of a system that is duping us into believing we are the best country in the world, but more than anything, I remembered the only way you are heard , as a woman anyway, is by being rational.
So I went with the most rational thing there is - money.
You want someone to get on board with your idea, always start with money.
I began with the easiest to see, economic inequality. I continued to explain a woman makes 77 cents to every dollar a male makes.
The heterosexual white son of a politician, a fellow student, raises his hand , thinking that is the only requirements for an acceptable time to speak.
Interrupting me he spouts "The article you are citing is incorrect. its actually information from the 70's"
Furious I retort "Oh you know the exact article Im citing? Please tell me its tittle"
He continues, unphased "I've actually conducted the research myself"
"I'm sure that is academically sound, I will have no hesitation believing its accuracy" I QUIETLY say.
The teacher jumps in , quick to pick up that Im not like other girls and this could get out of hand quickly.
"Bring your data and we will compare the two." my female professor compromises.
The fellow student finds me after class and haughtily announces "Woman make a dollar and three cents to every male's dollar"
"Yeah we will see about that" I say
Today in class he brings a 50 page article suggesting the pay gap is only 4-7 percent, but after other variables such as health care, there is no pay gap.
And here is where things happened in slow motion in my smaller brain.
"OK." I said smiling
Want to know why?
Because the article this q-tip male was holding in front of me does not change anything about the fact there is not social, political and economic equality between genders. Even if it was sound, which it wasn't. This white heterosexual male holding his newest model laptop up to my face in his own micro victory was not going to help anyone who is oppressed.
Because what the fuck is the point in arguing with this nobody? I chose to stay quiet, because my words would make no difference.
We were then asked if we identified as feminists. Many people didnt raise their hands, I felt the need to explain feminist often has a negative connotation , but there are many different kinds.
I was speaking to the fact there are 5 main types of feminism: socialist, cultural, eco, radical and liberal.
The teacher asked me to explain each and while on one of the definitions the same fellow student from the previous altercation blurts out "Actually, that pertains more to eco feminism, you're incorrect."
For the rest of my life, I will regret not shouting
THIS IS AN EXAMPLE OF SOCIAL INEQUALITY, LOUISE, WE HAVE BEEN TAUGHT IT IS ACCEPTABLE NOT ONLY THAT YOU INTERPRETED ME WHILE I WAS SPEAKING, BUT THAT YOU THEN CORRECTED ME. I HAVE BEEN TAUGHT TO STAY QUIET, YOU HAVE BEEN TAUGHT TO INTERRUPT.
This might not seem like a big deal, but when you break it down, this is everything I fight against.
He felt he knew better than what I was saying. He felt entitled to the time and space my definition was currently taking. He felt entitled to correcting me.
My words have so little value, he may speak over them.
He did so much more than speak while I was speaking.
And he didn't do this to be malicious or to be a asshole, he did it because that is what males are allowed to do. Because we have been socialized to let males speak to how much they know best, and we have been socialized not to question them.
Even I let him speak over me. Even I saw it as standard.
In my race class, Mona Scott was citing that those who get the most attention in a classroom are statistically white heterosexual males.
Instantly 2 white heterosexual males raise their hands in disagreement.
One very respectful, nice white male says "I don't want what I say in this class to simply be disregarded because of my race and gender"
Mona eloquently replies "That is the beauty of privilege, you never had what you say disregarded based on your race and gender. In this society, white men can say anything. Even if its unfounded"
Thats when I made this connection.
I hear all this crazy ass shit my brother or father or male classmates say and think "Why are they saying this. I would never say that out loud. I would never feel the need to"
Many women in my Women and Religion class reported there being no need for Feminism, because they have not been personally effected by gender inequality.
I guess they have never kept track of how many men interrupt them.
I am exhausted of trying to enlighten people to just how oppressed they are. All of these woman who think just because they did the dishes and mowed the lawn that they are equal. Men and woman who think, since they can not see oppression at a micro level (i.e. in their family) there is none at a macro level. Im exhausted with inequality being so engraved that we cant even see it.I'm exhausted with arguing about the biological differences in men and woman being the reason my job is to be a mother while his job is to be whatever he sets his big ol' mind to.
But most of all, I am exhausted with white males interrupting me.
Wednesday, January 1, 2014
We're so much more than pointless fixtures
The other day I had a friend message me and tell me a story about a 4 year old girl who started sobbing while in her one piece swim suit complaining that she was too fat.
While my friend was shocked that body image issues could start so young, I was not.
He asked my opinions of where these thoughts could be coming from, since he knew no one in the family was telling her she was fat and its not like shes getting bullied at school,since she isnt even old enough to go yet.
I explained that no one has to tell her shes fat.
My hypothesis was that she probably sees her mom look in the mirror while standing sideways, sucking in and out, with a disproving look on her face.
Or hears her mom say she feel fat today.
Or hears her dad joke about how fat that girl walking down the street was.
Or see's how little the characters on My Little Pony eat to stay in shape.
I know plenty about the socialization of our thoughts, how many of our opinions were formed for us, and how you don't have to recognize social forces for them to have power over you.
But I never figured this one out till now.
I have plenty of friends with body confidence issues. They constantly ask me how I have so much confidence in my body, and if I can teach them.
I have always felt confidence is not something you can teach.
I really couldn't figure out where mine came from exactly.
Beyonce, mostly.
While pondering the situation of the 4 year old who thinks shes too fat, here are some things I came up with to prevent more girls from having to feel the same way.
As well as just makes everyone around you uncomfortable and forces them to prop you up.
I know we all have our fat days, that's the human in us, but really, no one wants to hear it...
There is a difference between venting to a close friend and screaming it from the rooftops.
And not in an objectifying way.
For me this would be vocalizing my love for my thick thighs and appreciating my slender upper body or checking myself out in mirrors I pass.
Be an example that allows those around you to see its OK to love your body.
No more jokes about my sweet ass being consolation for my tiny boobs.
More importantly ,
Stop supporting media that harshly critiques woman and men.
Make an attempt to become more aware of how unrealistic glorified bodies are.
Even Beyonce wears Spanx.
You really think she has that hip-to-waist ratio? Not a chance.
forgive me my sins Queen Bey
We all get so heartbroken or frustrated when someone close to us expresses being discouraged with their bodies. We cant see how this stunning, curvaceous woman could feel fat and unattractive while every guy in the room is drooling over her. Or how this adorable girl feels too ugly to go to school. We fail to recognize the part we take in it. Maybe she learned it from me, last weekend when I joked that the squeaking of my chair as I sat down gave me an eating disorder.
I realized the way to teach confidence is to be an example of it.
Don't tell you daughters they don't need makeup and then refuse to leave the house without it.
Don't tell your little sister shes beautiful, and then joke about how you would never do some girl unless she had a bag over her head.
Stop telling your scrawny best friend he's perfect the way he is, and then licking your lips at the shirtless ripped man who just happened to run past.
Seriously? Its January sir, wear a shirt.
Body Issues are prevalent, deeply engraved,and show no gender bias. They are more complicated than I let on.
But I think they could definitely get a bit better if we think critically and assume our own responsibility in their perpetuation. Because you never know what little girl is looking to you to model how she should feel about herself.
Stop reassuring those around you when they complain of how fat they are. Stop tolerating negative body comments from those around you.
The other night my little sisters and I made a pact to eliminate negative body talk in front of each other. And when we slip up, we tactfully and kindly remind each other of the aforementioned pact.
You don't have to stop the party and start preaching, but you can definitely raise some awareness.
Your body is amazing. Its how you are alive as you read this. Its what gets you every where you need to go. Stop bullying it.
While my friend was shocked that body image issues could start so young, I was not.
He asked my opinions of where these thoughts could be coming from, since he knew no one in the family was telling her she was fat and its not like shes getting bullied at school,since she isnt even old enough to go yet.
I explained that no one has to tell her shes fat.
My hypothesis was that she probably sees her mom look in the mirror while standing sideways, sucking in and out, with a disproving look on her face.
Or hears her mom say she feel fat today.
Or hears her dad joke about how fat that girl walking down the street was.
Or see's how little the characters on My Little Pony eat to stay in shape.
I know plenty about the socialization of our thoughts, how many of our opinions were formed for us, and how you don't have to recognize social forces for them to have power over you.
But I never figured this one out till now.
I have plenty of friends with body confidence issues. They constantly ask me how I have so much confidence in my body, and if I can teach them.
I have always felt confidence is not something you can teach.
I really couldn't figure out where mine came from exactly.
Beyonce, mostly.
While pondering the situation of the 4 year old who thinks shes too fat, here are some things I came up with to prevent more girls from having to feel the same way.
Stop talking about how fat you are, or how fat you feel.
It invites those around you to criticize themselves as well.As well as just makes everyone around you uncomfortable and forces them to prop you up.
I know we all have our fat days, that's the human in us, but really, no one wants to hear it...
There is a difference between venting to a close friend and screaming it from the rooftops.
Talk positively about your body in public.
And not in an objectifying way.For me this would be vocalizing my love for my thick thighs and appreciating my slender upper body or checking myself out in mirrors I pass.
Be an example that allows those around you to see its OK to love your body.
No more jokes about my sweet ass being consolation for my tiny boobs.
This one can be tricky, because where is the line between body confidence and objectification? While I could write an entire post about that , in short I will say : Its subjective, find yours! Isn't that cool that you get to form your own opinion?
More importantly ,
Talk positively about your non-physical attributes.
Speak more value into your personalty traits. Stop telling girls they are pretty or beautiful or gorgeous. Stop teaching them their worth is in their outer appearance. Remind those around you of the beautiful qualities that are innately within them.Examine your media.
What is it teaching you how you should look? About how your significant other should look?Stop supporting media that harshly critiques woman and men.
Make an attempt to become more aware of how unrealistic glorified bodies are.
Even Beyonce wears Spanx.
You really think she has that hip-to-waist ratio? Not a chance.
forgive me my sins Queen Bey
We all get so heartbroken or frustrated when someone close to us expresses being discouraged with their bodies. We cant see how this stunning, curvaceous woman could feel fat and unattractive while every guy in the room is drooling over her. Or how this adorable girl feels too ugly to go to school. We fail to recognize the part we take in it. Maybe she learned it from me, last weekend when I joked that the squeaking of my chair as I sat down gave me an eating disorder.
I realized the way to teach confidence is to be an example of it.
Don't tell you daughters they don't need makeup and then refuse to leave the house without it.
Don't tell your little sister shes beautiful, and then joke about how you would never do some girl unless she had a bag over her head.
Stop telling your scrawny best friend he's perfect the way he is, and then licking your lips at the shirtless ripped man who just happened to run past.
Seriously? Its January sir, wear a shirt.
Body Issues are prevalent, deeply engraved,and show no gender bias. They are more complicated than I let on.
But I think they could definitely get a bit better if we think critically and assume our own responsibility in their perpetuation. Because you never know what little girl is looking to you to model how she should feel about herself.
Stop reassuring those around you when they complain of how fat they are. Stop tolerating negative body comments from those around you.
The other night my little sisters and I made a pact to eliminate negative body talk in front of each other. And when we slip up, we tactfully and kindly remind each other of the aforementioned pact.
You don't have to stop the party and start preaching, but you can definitely raise some awareness.
Your body is amazing. Its how you are alive as you read this. Its what gets you every where you need to go. Stop bullying it.
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