While my friend was shocked that body image issues could start so young, I was not.
He asked my opinions of where these thoughts could be coming from, since he knew no one in the family was telling her she was fat and its not like shes getting bullied at school,since she isnt even old enough to go yet.
I explained that no one has to tell her shes fat.
My hypothesis was that she probably sees her mom look in the mirror while standing sideways, sucking in and out, with a disproving look on her face.
Or hears her mom say she feel fat today.
Or hears her dad joke about how fat that girl walking down the street was.
Or see's how little the characters on My Little Pony eat to stay in shape.
I know plenty about the socialization of our thoughts, how many of our opinions were formed for us, and how you don't have to recognize social forces for them to have power over you.
But I never figured this one out till now.
I have plenty of friends with body confidence issues. They constantly ask me how I have so much confidence in my body, and if I can teach them.
I have always felt confidence is not something you can teach.
I really couldn't figure out where mine came from exactly.
Beyonce, mostly.
While pondering the situation of the 4 year old who thinks shes too fat, here are some things I came up with to prevent more girls from having to feel the same way.
Stop talking about how fat you are, or how fat you feel.
It invites those around you to criticize themselves as well.As well as just makes everyone around you uncomfortable and forces them to prop you up.
I know we all have our fat days, that's the human in us, but really, no one wants to hear it...
There is a difference between venting to a close friend and screaming it from the rooftops.
Talk positively about your body in public.
And not in an objectifying way.For me this would be vocalizing my love for my thick thighs and appreciating my slender upper body or checking myself out in mirrors I pass.
Be an example that allows those around you to see its OK to love your body.
No more jokes about my sweet ass being consolation for my tiny boobs.
This one can be tricky, because where is the line between body confidence and objectification? While I could write an entire post about that , in short I will say : Its subjective, find yours! Isn't that cool that you get to form your own opinion?
More importantly ,
Talk positively about your non-physical attributes.
Speak more value into your personalty traits. Stop telling girls they are pretty or beautiful or gorgeous. Stop teaching them their worth is in their outer appearance. Remind those around you of the beautiful qualities that are innately within them.Examine your media.
What is it teaching you how you should look? About how your significant other should look?Stop supporting media that harshly critiques woman and men.
Make an attempt to become more aware of how unrealistic glorified bodies are.
Even Beyonce wears Spanx.
You really think she has that hip-to-waist ratio? Not a chance.
forgive me my sins Queen Bey
We all get so heartbroken or frustrated when someone close to us expresses being discouraged with their bodies. We cant see how this stunning, curvaceous woman could feel fat and unattractive while every guy in the room is drooling over her. Or how this adorable girl feels too ugly to go to school. We fail to recognize the part we take in it. Maybe she learned it from me, last weekend when I joked that the squeaking of my chair as I sat down gave me an eating disorder.
I realized the way to teach confidence is to be an example of it.
Don't tell you daughters they don't need makeup and then refuse to leave the house without it.
Don't tell your little sister shes beautiful, and then joke about how you would never do some girl unless she had a bag over her head.
Stop telling your scrawny best friend he's perfect the way he is, and then licking your lips at the shirtless ripped man who just happened to run past.
Seriously? Its January sir, wear a shirt.
Body Issues are prevalent, deeply engraved,and show no gender bias. They are more complicated than I let on.
But I think they could definitely get a bit better if we think critically and assume our own responsibility in their perpetuation. Because you never know what little girl is looking to you to model how she should feel about herself.
Stop reassuring those around you when they complain of how fat they are. Stop tolerating negative body comments from those around you.
The other night my little sisters and I made a pact to eliminate negative body talk in front of each other. And when we slip up, we tactfully and kindly remind each other of the aforementioned pact.
You don't have to stop the party and start preaching, but you can definitely raise some awareness.
Your body is amazing. Its how you are alive as you read this. Its what gets you every where you need to go. Stop bullying it.
Amen, sister! This is the exact attitude I *try to adopt. Although I am guilty of the staring in the mirror and looking disapprovingly at myself while grabbing my 'mommy belly' and bemoaning the loose skin that will never tighten up regardless of how fit I get.
ReplyDeleteI was thinking yesterday about the phrase women use after giving birth about 'getting my body back.' It seems ridiculous to me; you aren't getting it back; it didn't go anywhere, no-one took it from you (although, in a sense, your body was on loan to someone else for 9 months). It was still your body, under your control. You did your best to care for it while you were pregnant, probably even made more effort to be fit and healthy, eat nutritiously, and hydrate well, while undergoing nausea, heartburn, exhaustion, hormonal mood swings, and sore everything. Your efforts are worthy of praise, not just your successes. Whether you ran a 7 minute mile up until the day you delivered or ended up on bed rest at week 20, carried a healthy baby to term, delivered a child with a defect or deformity, or lost your precious baby before birth, your body did something amazing.
Those stretch marks on my belly, that loose skin (a product of both obesity and childbearing) is part of my powerful, beautiful body.
Brit, I am particularly pleased at the positive and proactive nature of this post. THIS is where your power lies. You may not be able to change the arrogant classmate, but you CAN lay down a foundation for healthy body image in ALL people by taking these simple actions. I personally find joy and power in orienting my efforts in this manner, putting my energy where it will reap benefits.
Although, having seen dozens of episodes of my little pony, I have yet to hear any of them comment on how they can't eat because they need to retain their girlish figure. I'm guessing it was Rainbow Dash - and as an athlete she'd better eat healthfully to stay in shape. Although Rarity is prissy enough to be 'on a diet' and 'watching her figure' :) Seriously, if this was a specific example, tell me the episode, I want to see it.
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