You shower me with words made of knives

THIS IS MY 80TH POST!
Hurrray!


I wanted to make sure it was super special.


So.
A week ago, while cleaning my room, I stepped on a sliver of glass. I thought i had pried it out.
But every once and a while I could feel it in my foot still.
I ignored it, because it rarely bothered me (due to its placment on my foot)
However, after extensive dancing at my party, my foot was rather bothered, and i couldnt even walk on it the splinter hurt so bad.




I went in to my doctor today  for some scrip refills and (since my splinter had been bothering me less and less) debated whether to ask her about it



However, i went with my best instincts and told her about it.



She looked at it, and said she didnt know if it would work its self out, but she was more than willing to take it out for me.



I asked her if she would use a topical numb


and she said "No,it'll be a needle, and then it will burn a bit"



I relish occasions to grow up in life, so i bit.


We went through with it.


She walked in with all this stuff

She started cleaning my foot and asking me about my family (the normal "Im about to hurt you a lot" small talk)


So then it began.

I told her to warn me before she injected the shmootz and she did.


I instantly covered my eyes as she put the needle in, which didnt hurt at all, however the devil serum she pumped into my foot BURNED LIKE A MOTHER EFFER.

Burn is the wrong word.
It stung.
Like sharp pain stung.
That was the worst part of the whole thing.

I sarted singing "This doesnt hurt at all You are doing a really good-- owww oh my gosh i can feel it holy crap it hurts oppp---not anymore wait yes still hurts i can feel everythingggggggg"

I was singing it.


And then i told her my most entertaining stories.


I told her about every guy of significance that has crossed my path in the last 4 months.

I talked to her like i would talk to my closest friend


"And everyone disproved, so i guess i was kinda trying to hide him. but look where it got me. And then this other guy, i mean, i dont wanna be a hoochie momma so i broke it off, but i guess its not just a thing you say and its over, its a continuous effort to stay platonic and its hard, and then he kissed the top of my  head, you cant kiss a girl on the head, what a piece of garbage" as she slicing my foot open she's nodding and agreeing with me "Yeah girl , i know its hard but you gotta just stay strong. He is not worth it."


Pretty much if you're any guy I've known in the past 4 months, she knows our entire story.


So im chattin away as i can feel her tugging at my skin. It was unpleasant.





Shes my girl.



If i tell her this much during splinter removal, i wonder what i'll tell her during my well woman exam



The whole time i was telling her "Im going to Goodwill after this to reward myself"

When it was over she patted my head and said her goodbyes.



I walked out to the little "check out"
And told the uninvolved nurses "She had to cut my foot open but she numbed it. I told her my life story. Are those dumb-dumbs? Man im so taking one, i deserve it."


And then i went to the Gee-Dubs.



And bought a cute dress.




Sometimes you gotta spoil yourself after you've had your foot sliced open






<3 Summmerrrrtimeeeeeeeee

And its not even my birthday (cake cake cake)

Last night was Taylor and my birthday party.


I had been having dreams that it would suck, that people would show up, and i'd feed them like cheese sticks and old cellary because i wasnt prepared.


I had "Host Anxiety"

I cleaned like a maniac, and made cute little lanterns for the back yard

And went out and bought stuff i thought people would eat.

All day I was between excitement and terror that people would judge the generic soda i purchased. 

Anyway, Taylor and i got everything ready and then just chilled till it was party time.

It was awesome, because people came early and right on time, so the party was bumpin from the get go.

Normally, you have the dreaded awkward hour lulll where there is like 2 weirdos....

But we had no lull

There was swimming and a fire pit and trying to roast flat marshmallows. ( You were right, ya piece ah garbage. ) and JUST DANCE  in a huge room with 10 people, and spontaneous huge dance sessions.

Remember how I hate cake.

We are like at the climax of our dance party, and Tayklor goes, its time for cake.

THAT IS WHY I HATE CAKE

you have to stop EVERYTHING so people can gather around and sing you an obligatory song.

However, the group was 90% theater kids, musical theater at that, so I said "This better be the best 'Happy Birthday' of my life" 

So michal builds up a harmoney, and like 26 people harmonize and sing to taylor and I, and then nate riffs the end of it.

For sure, the best 'Happy Birthday' EVER.

My family has a tradition that you blow out the candles in the dark, sotay and i blow them out and its pitch black for a split second, and i see michal lean over my cake and scoop it with her hand, so instincivly i strugglke away from her, but its too late. Michal shoved cake in my face. Just like she will on our wedding day.

It was too fun.

honestly the only problem was i couldn't spend enough time with my friends, cuz there were so many that i had to keep doing the rounds, so i saw each person for just a bit.

Ugh, my life is so hard.

Too many friends.

For real, my street was full of cars.

I felt like I was in the movie mean girls.

And i was one of the mean girls.

But nice.

Around 1, all the girls had left, and it was just Me, Michal, and a ton of fellas.

Awwww yeiiii.

Oh, and then right at the tail end of the party, like 2, my Finace, Joe , shows up and naturally, I make him dinner,and then RIDE HIS MOTORCYCLE. It was a bomb way to end the party.

Joe is so good to me.

We are getting married in 2 weeks.

Recap:

It was way fun.

It turned out super good, and it was nothing like my sad dreams.

However, I can not move my neck, and my right arm is like swollen and bruised....so....

IPARTIEDHARD

Th-th-th-this is somethin that i learned, listen Im about tah teach.

I am the master of dating.

Black movies and experiance have taught me all i need to know.

Obviously, i mean, look how grown up I am.




Girls.

Girls get so excited when a boy is into them.
Boys are FAR too easy to impress.

If you can impress the boy from taco bell, im sure you can impress the boy from chipotle....hold out.



Girls as a whole are just messes.


I wont even bother to explain them



As a general note to the gender, im gonna say:
Get some confidence
Make him work for it (boys aint gonna buy the cow when they're getting the milk for free)
And turn down some offers, it only increases your asking price.
Finally, be mindful of what others warm you of, and realize, you probably arnt thinking the clearest in the current situation.
Remember, you know nothing.





If i can leave you with one thing it is this:
MAKE HIM WORKKKKKK FOR ITTTT.



Boys.
Girls are stupid.
They dont realize they are leading you on.
All they realize is they are getting free stuff and LOTS of flattering attention.
So dont get upset when 5 dates in she explains she thought you were "just friends"






Which leads to, if a girl says no to a first date or turns your down over and over because she knows your styles dont mesh- Dont whine and freak out on her like a little biznatch. Because it was real nice of her to  break it to you now, as opposed to all the dedicated money and emotions later on down the road.

PAUSE:
Why do boys think freaking out on you will make you want them?
Once you turn them down they unload all this weird crap on you......
you just texted away the small fraction of hope you had left, buster.
UNPAUSE

BOYS
are girls too.



Actually, i dont want to give the boys too many tips, cuz than my moves wont work on them.


And you know I got  A LOT.








Dating is actually really easy.
People just dont know their worth.











You're welcome.




Oh....and stay away from the one who flips the script. If you dont have the control...honey.....you have nothing.

Turned the white snow red as strawberries in the summertime

Hang on. This one gets messy fast.

Lets do this chronologically.
So you can get an understanding of the pace of it all.



My night.

6 pm
Taylors birthday dinner.

7 pm
Watching TV with Michal

8 pm
Realizing Charlie no longer controlled  her back legs.

Making sure charlie is comfortable

Watching "What Dreams May Come" (and sobbing/loving it)

 10 pm
Realizing Charlie's stomach is bloated


Hearing her struggle to breath

11 pm
Making charlie a bed on my floor

12am
Go to sleep

- wake up every 30 minutes due to stress/discomfort-

4 am
Get a call from a friend asking to JUMP A  CAR BATTERY

Jump the battery

5am
Talk to my parents about what to do with the dog

6am
Wake up to say my final goodbyes to the dog

7am
Get a text from allie telling me shes going into labor

9 am
Wake up to my Dad and Taylor taking Charlie to the Vet to get put down.





So ..... it was a chaotic night.




When the vet told us about Charlie's Lymphoma, I was super bothered by it. But i think in a way it made it easier when the time came. This way, I knew it was coming, I was prepared,and I just wanted her to no longer be in pain.



I handled it pretty well when Dad and Tay came home without her.

Its only hard when I have left over meatloaf and have to throw it in the trash instead of in her food bowl
or when the door is left open and I instinctively begin to shout to close it, to prevent her from getting out.
Or when i drop cake on the ground and begin to call her name to come lick it up.


Generally, there's just a feeling of something missing in the house.


Im oddly content just cuz, like i said, i know shes not in pain anymore.


When I was driving Charlie home from the vet 17 days ago, I told her "You just tell me when you're ready, and I'll make sure to take care of it."


And I think she did.


We communicated pretty well towards the end.




In other news, the movie "What Dreams May Come" is for sure a new favorite.

Ya know your face is all covered in your birthday cake that you're eatin in the kitchen alone

Birthday.


AND GO.


I accidentally typed "AND GOD"


lemme think this through.


Is this a sign?


"This blog is all about birthdays and God"


Those are way too heavy to be discussed together.


Birthday:


Woke up.



Was like.... "This is totally normal.....and not exciting..."



So naturally I called Michal and grabbed Nathan and we were off to find Free things I could snag on my birthday.


The loot:

• Free Italian Cream Soda (mmmmmmm)
• free Sprinkles cup cake 
• Free lip tint from Sephora

End of list.....

Its.....somewhat respectable. 

I'LL TAKE IT.

AND I DID.

Gracious Michal went to lengths to make my pre-conceived LAME 19th birthday - not lame.

She is my all time favorite.

Lemme pause right here,

19....is like an older 17.

Unexciting.

You just had a biggie last year (18) and you are gonna hit a mile stone next year (20)

So its just an obligatory side stop.

Unpause.

Michal gave me some BOMB thoughtful gifts and my parents gave me some fat gifts tooo....

Then my momma made me Ham Chowder, MY FAVE , and then I spent the night twadeling around town. 

It was a respectable birthday.

I had a few good friends pull together to make it pretty memorable.

BUT I HAD A SHIZ TON OF FACEBOOK FRIENDS LEAVE ME WALL GOODIES 

HOLLAR TO MY FACEBOOK FRIENDSSS.

I thought I had more to tell you guys.

Im sleepy blogging right now.

so its like 

here is what you need to know.

bye.

MICHAL TOOK ME TO LA CAGE 

GO HOMOSEXUALLSSSSS

DO THE DAMN THING 

Uhm...and tomorrow night im seeing Dream A Little Dream AGAINNNNNNNN

GUYS I CAN NOT WAIT

NOW I KNOW ALL THE MUSIC

AND MICHAL SAID SHE'D LET ME MEET THE CAST 

*DIESSSSSSS REPEADEDLY*

IM SO EXCITED

Im back.

oh.

Here is a silly story.

My pal Zack just left for the good olllll mishhh

I went to a shindig he threw before he left and I was feverishly looking for things to wear

PAUSE

REASONS WHAT YOU WEAR MATTERS

• CLOTHING IS AN ALTERABLE FIRST IMPRESSION VARIABLE
• CLOTHING GIVES YOU CONFIDENCE
• CLOTHING EXEMPLIFIES A LOT ABOUT WHO YOU ARE

Well, I wanted to look crazy good because I knew id see a lot of my old high school friends

Which leads me into this little nugget....

If you look back at who I was a year ago, and who I am for today....

They are quite different.

I have much more confidence in who I am.

But thats a story for another time.

Any who.

I wanted to wear clothes to show that i had become fashionable and attractive and confident and humble.

I put on a strap sleeved dress and some  tights.

(that sounds trashy,its actually very classy.....) refer to picture found here.....

Omit the giraffe hat and add coral tights.

And my mom stops me and explains I shouldnt wear that to this party, Its for a mormon boy with mormon friends and yada yada

And i sorta lost it.

I went on about how I didnt have to follow those constraints anymore and I had grown up and I dont have to care what people think.

It was odd.

I sort of threw a temper tantrum about how Id grown up.

And it was in a hall way....so ....that only made it more awkward.

But, it was kinda cool cuz it showed me the psychology in my head.

That it was less about the clothes I wore and more about who I am today.

IS THIS MAKING SENCE? its okay that its not

And then Zack made a comment about me thinking he's gay, and I said "I dont think that, you think just cuz im a liberal I think all Boys are gay?"

And so I raised my voice and shouted "All the boys here are gay!! All the boys like boys!!!!" and people laughed awkwardly and looked around trying to find my guardian, and then I said "Obama 2012" and they all laughed realizing I was clearly joking.......(you need to hear my voice to understand whats going on there....)

And I took it as my cue to leave.

and i missed his sweet bod the moment I walked out the dooooorrrrr

Point of the story is Michal makes me grow up and I like who I am and I support Gay marriage. 

What other fun stories do I have for you...

I have a lot of secrets lately.

So thats cute....

Want to know 2 things about me.....anyone who wants to date me should know this...

I HATE roses. 

Why?

THEY ARE UNORIGINAL AND EXPENSIVE AND PLAIN.

Second.

I dislike birthday cake.

Occasionally i will help myself to some cake, but on my own birthday, I eat it simply as a socially expected custom....

Dont tell my mom I hate roses, she gets them for me all the time..

Its sweet.

I love my mom.

one should also know I have no interest in underwater life.I am extreamly underwhelmed with it....

Fish

seals

sting rays

not interested....

But seriously, dont tell her....

Tonight I saw a LEGGGIT shooting star. 

It was way cool.

I made a wish.

SHOOTING STARS ARE SO COOL.

It was a classy way to end my birthday.

I had a complaint that I was making shout out to new comers, and not staying true to my faithful seasoned blog readers.

So shout out to all my veterans.....

So do it now.

So, as you know.

My summer started last weekend.

However  it was not yet free and easy.

I had Phoenix Theater Auditions looming overhead.


Phoenix Theater is a paying venue (which is uhhh...the opposite of what im used to)
...its the real deal....


So compared to my community theater auditions, this one was a big hitter.





Lemme back up.

About a month ago.

I was with Michal and she said "Im scheduling your PT audition.", because Michal aspires to aid me in growing into the woman I want to be,  and my inner thoughts went "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOIHATESCARYTHINGSANDIAVOIDTHEM"

But i was like.... "Yeah....actually....do it...."


Because I guess somewhere in me there is a part of me that actually wants to grow as a person.

Anyway, i worked moderately hard to prepare for the auditions.
read books, prepared music,worked hard to find the perfect monologue (Which, like the perfect man, doesn't exist.)





Nothing impressive.

Most of the preparation came in the final week (this week).


I've learned  A LOOOOTTTT about auditioning since my former auditionsssss



Britanees Auditions 101:

• Dress like you own the place.
• Walk in like you own the place
• Shmooooze the hell out of everyone in the room
• Be genuinely happy to be there, and make it known
• Bring all of your material in a binder (headshots,music etcccc)
• give the music to the pianist in a direction that DOESNT showcase your butt to the auditiors. 

Lets go ahead and pause here:
Normally, my butt is the money maker, but in this instance, it shows professionalism.

• sing your face off
• you MEANT to do everything exactly as it came out. Regardless of whether that is truly the case.
• You have 5 minutes of their time. Its yours. SHOW THEM YOU ARE WHAT THEY ARE LOOKING FOR.they want you to be. 

Now you can all successfully audition.

Your Welcome

Credit to the book "Audition" and my Audition instructor Jere VanPatten.




Today.

I gave the best audition of my life.

I walked in cheerful with great energy, I shmooozed (HOLLAR TO MY FELLOW CANDIANNNSS), I made them love me, I beamed confidence,  I sang my face off (regardless of its resemblance to the written notes) I monolouged my face off. I left it on the floor.

I owned my 5 minute audition.


Thankfully, auditions dont scare me anymore. At least not NEARLY as much.

A friend once compared them to First dates, its being judged by people you dont know, who dont know you.


but, much like first dates, I know if that one doesnt work out, i got PLENTY more lined up, so I dont get so worried anymore.



saucy.




I dont know how to explain the relief that comes with finishing an audition. I truly believe its a feeling only a performer knows.


It was a good experience. Im not as scared of the world as i used to be. Things that seemed unreachable arnt so much anymore.




We'll see how long it lasts.




I rewarded myself with a chipotle burrito and a DANCE PARRRTYYY on my way home from work.


It got intense.


I dont dance ANYTHING but HARD.





So now, its officially summer and i have some BIG plans.


First im gonna clean my room.



No, im serious.


I know....Im getting too crazy.


And then im going to Open Auditions for Second City.....

Just shout whenever, and I'll be there.

Today.Was an eventful day.


There is a lot to get through, so ill just do it chronologically.


First of all....I saw the avengers with James (who i know is reading this just to see if i talk about him.)

Which was a pretty big deal on its own....The movie......: )


Then i slept to go to school.

Then i woke up and went to school and turned in my FINAL FINAL
I found out i only had to score 6/50 to get an A in the class  AWWW YEIIII


Then i picked a monologue for PT auditions.


And then i saw Josh for the first time since we broke up.
And it was as comfortable as to be expected.
the first of many, im sure.


Then i went home and got my doggie to take to the Vet.

And then i got there and was thinking about how well behaved and friendly she is , due to the fact she was behaving like a CHAMP in the waiting room . And then i realized she is one of my best friends.


And then i went in.

And the doctor was oddly concerned.

And so he drew blood from all thees crazy places.


And then he left the room and I comforted her all alone for about  20 minutes.


And then he walked in and told me my dog has cancer.


And without chemotherapy she has about 30 days to live.

And then i thanked him , and told him we would consider our options.

And then i sobbed all the way home.


And then i went in and told my family.


And i told Charlie she gets hot dogs for dinner every night and car rides every afternoon.


And then I got ready for Broadway bound


And i looked super good.

Thats William. Hes the coolest. If he liked girls. We would be married so hard.



And then I walked on stage

 sang my song (whichnoonerecordedddddddddddd)


And then I walked off stage.

And my first year of college was over.



And then i goofed off backstage with really close, treasured friends.
ESPECIALLY REGGIE CUZ HE IS MY LOVER AND IM GONNA DO CRAZY THINGS TO HIM AND I CANT BELIEVE I WILL NO LONGER SEE HIM EVERY MONDAY WEDNESDAY AND FRIDAY!


then i got an email saying i got 45/50 on my final
Which confirmed I had completed my freshman year with straight A's.

And then i went to olive garden with my family.


And then i came home and held my doggie.


And now here we are.


Who would have guessed all of this would happen when i woke up?



So now i have no idea what to do with all my time.



help my dog live her dreams I guess....

I WONDER IF SHE CAN GET US INTO DISNEYLAND FOR FREEE?!?!!?




Hold your doggies tight my blog readers.





Today was quite the day.



I did a bit of growing up.



Here's to a summer of a whole lot more!

You gotta go where you wanna go, and do what you wanna do, with whoever you wanna do it with.

Things that have made me grow up:

•  Michal 
• Mamas and Papas
•  Black sitcoms/movies
• the passage of time

: ) 


Seriously, i would gain 200 pound's just to play Mama Cass in Dream a Little Dream.


So, bar shampoo doesnt exist in stores.


There is this stuff called sodium lithorium or something in shampoo that gives you cancer.
"everything gives you cancer!"

Cool, doesnt mean im going to go inhale asbestos anyway....


Also, shampoo wipes out good oils and blah blah blah stuff no one believes....
Long story short.
I refuse to use average shampoo.

So i was using Baking soda and water

And my hair kept breaking, like i got split ends like no ones freaking business

Side note : I think I have bed bugs.....


Back to the story, so i went to my hair dresser, and im like,why is this happeningggg and shes like what shampoo do you use


and i was like....baking soda and water


and she was like....thats not appropriate....


so i was like.....ok.


so ive been looking for reasonably priced natural shampoo, but it doesnt exist.

im just never going to wash my hair again is the moral of the story.


my dogggggggggg


I love her so much.
I got her in 6th grade
I am now finishing my freshman year of college

She is the love of my life.

We got her shaved,and noticed she had some weird skin irritation.

Its on her lower belly, and it doesnt hurt her to touch it.

So we were like...thats weird....

And then it got worse....

and then this lump appeared.

and her eyes are cloudy and she runs into things.


And im in serious Dog Age denial.


Im like...."Shes still a puppy!"

even tho...shes like a gramma.....



So lately im juist facing the fact my dog is old....


Thats my biggest trial in life.


I have a friend who believes no one ever truly matures past high school.

And justifiably some people of mcc have proved that to be true.


Me and my other friend were talking about all the drama.

It doesnt really bother me tho.
Drama is all in your head...

...follow me here....


its like an awkward situation....

If you dont think its awkward it wont be.....


So if people are like "Whats all this drama?!?!!"

And your like..."there is no drama..."


And people are like...."that was unexciting."



I HAVE MASTERED EVERYONE AROUND ME.



I have rehearsal for broadway bound tonight, and the director says "Dont wear pastels"


Thats like telling me not to breath air.


I have zero idea what to wear.


I have to go clean the pantry


Because my mom is getting HER teeth cleaned for ME

because i didnt cancel my apt in time, so they were going to charge us unless i had someone from my family take it.


My mother HATES the dentist.
So her doing this for me is a big deal.



Which is why i am cleaning the pantry in turn.


ITS A BIG DEAL.


im gonna wear cowboy boots today.


I dont care what anyone thinks.



I love you.