blooong -bloooonnng- bloooong, bloooong. blooong. bloooog.

^^^^^
That is Clair De Lune.






obviously.






REFRESHER COURSE.
I always title my blog with lyrics from a song im listening to.
Tonight it is clair de lune.




Today I forgot my bra and had to borrow one.
It was a 34-C
It was nice to dream.
So.








Im a little...sentimental?
I dunno the word.




Tonight was closing night.
Then we struck the set.




THe audiance was so-so.
But it was fun cuz i stood in the portal (the portal is like a walkway that you can see while on stage, but the audience can not see into the portal) with my pants off to distract my pals on the stage. It was good stuff. 






Its odd devoting the majority of your time to one thing for 3 months and then suddenly its over.


You wont see the people again.
You wont see the set again.
You wont wear the costumes or run around the stage again.


Its pretty crazy.




Also...those are my people! That is my niche,and more specifically, those were the first friends i made in collage. These people that i have spent almost everyday with for months are the ones who welcomed me and showed me how things work and gave me things to do on the weekends.




I will miss so many aspects of it.
But, I am happy to have some free time again. Ya know, work and focus on school and stuff.
and for all my bruises to heal




Did you guys know, I literally type in status' into the little status bar. Look at them.And then exit out of the page without posting it.
Its my status quota control.








Uhm.
My friend Kate is on a whole foods/vegan ish thing, and it super cool and I want to be kate.
And so I think im gonna start!




Especially after the show ( For those of you who dont know, during a show, you eat nothing but crap because you are always on the go and people are always bringing goodies to rehearsal)
time to detox the shinnaigans outa my body.




man, kate is so cool.




So yeah that will be fun.


Im gonna like, go to the library and get books on it and everything.




it should be easy, because i LOVE hazelnut milk.








What else, what else ?






Awkward story time.
The other day, my mother was trying to remind me of who a particular friend of hers was and she says " Ya know, she came to Britanee's funeral, and helped me get through it."
 and I looked at her, waiting to correct herself.but she never did.


Can we all agree I was between a rock and a hard place.
" no mom, your getting your dead daughter and your living daughter confused."
So i just didnt say anything.








OH! I can paint my nails again! I haven't painted them in like 3 weeks because I am a boy in the show. IM SO EXCITED.




















Im really calm and happy and hopefull.




Life is way good.

You better watch out, you better not cry, better not pout, Im tellin you why.

you wanna know what i am doing right now.




Ok well first of all I am procrastinating




BUT MORE IMPORTANTLY


I am listening to Michael Buble's Christmas album.


Can I just tell you, In my religion, i am not allowed to feel the feelings his voice makes me feel unless Im married.






HUBBA.HUBBA.




Guys, my life flys by like crazy! 
The last 2 weeks have gone by in a snap!
(^^^ok seriously, Im too cute.)




Anyway, back to what i was saying.




So the show is going very well. 
Its kinda just like same ol same ol now.
Like "OOOOOOHPP TIME TO GO PERFORM NOW."
Nothin too crazy.
I know i will miss it like crazy when its over.




Dude.
My life is borring .
I dont have anything exciting to tell you guys.






honestly i just wanted to write a blog to proclaim my love for micheal buble.




ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh boyyy.










so. right now my computor screen is on my TV.






Everyone can see it.




Im pregnant.

Love is the answer,at least,for most of the questions in my heart.

TONIGHT.
Tooo muchhh fun.








So tonight was the first time we ran Forum with an audience.


Can I just say. 
Too much fun,


Lemme break this down for you
One of the leads just got his appendix removed on Friday.
One of the girls dropped out on Friday, and was since replaced
Taylor (my brother, and the lead) has bronchitis.
and like......3/5 of the cast is sick.




It was doomed.
Like someone was WORKING to make it so impossible.




But, like beasts, it turned out just fine.




Initially, I had been questioning whether this is still what i loved to do, because i would drag my feet to rehearsal, and then count the minutes until it was over.
But now.
I remember why i love to do this.




Guys, so fun.




Too much fun.




We had a really great audience, I hammed it up real nicely, and it was just great.








and then I came home and saw my sweet boyfriend who keeps me normal when I start to lose it.




It was a very good day. 

See Im smiling, that means Im happy that you're here.

STORY TIME. 




Lets start with an inspirational story. 
SO Im in Broadway solo's, my favorite class that i am not enrolled in. 
Im watching all of my little friends perform, enjoying myself.
When my director walks in and announces someone dropped out of the show( lemme remind you , we open next Wednesday) and he needs a replacement, and to contact if you're interested.
My best friend Catherine, who had auditioned and not gotten in, was sitting next to me, and I grabbed her leg and said "cat.cat.cat.CAT.CATTTTT."
And she got this crazy look in her eyes and stood up and shouted "ILL DO IT." Like crazy triumphant
and the class started clapping and cheering




Honestly, such a movie moment.


And so she was whisked off to prepare.






So that was way fun.








Now on to my sad life.


So. Josh and I were way tired.
So i asked my mom if we could nap in my room WITH THE DOOR OPEN.
And she repeatedly told me NO.
So we went and napped on the couch.
And she walks past and flips out(I was....sorta on top of him. not really tho.) and says shes staying in the room.
So she sits on the other couch next to us.


.....
Are you with me on how incredibly WIIIIIIEEEEERD this is.
So im like" Mom get out, this is crazy awkward"
And then Taylor walks in and starts TAKING FREAKING PICTURES?!
Seriously, my brain was overloaded with weird.a,ish.


I could not handle it.




So I FINNNALLY get my mom out of there.


And then me and Josh are chillin on the couch.




Lemme just preface this story.
Any girls with dogs understand this.
But anyone else, would.....not...even...be able to comprehend.




But i will try my best.




So we are on the couch.
and my precious dog walks in.




and you know what she has in her mouth?






























 A BLOODY PAD SHE GOT OUT OF THE GARBAGE.




 loveeeeeeed it.....




So my lover see's it and looks away really fast.


And i cover his eyes and start laughing really hard, to cover up my pure humiliation.






Kinda the best day ever.




So there is that.

When I look in your eyes, I tend to lose my thoughts....

Today.

Was a great.great.day.

I woke up at a decent hour ( a first for this semester) and got ready to go watch...hear(?) my friends sing in Broadway Solo's.

(side note : WANT to be in that class.)

 Annnnnyway.

Then my lover picked me up and drove me to school.

And then i watched all my friends. and was really impressed.

And then my lover drove me home. 

And then i spent the afternoon with Catherine.

And then i went to rehearsal

And LOVEDDDDD it.

I enjoy the show a lot.

Its a lot of fun.

I have  this pointless role, but i kinda kick butt at it.

I own it.

A little bit.

Oh, while at rehearsal.

I was back stage

And we have this like......fog machine, WHICH, dont ask me why we have it.....it makes nooooo sense....

So i am standing next to it and i say "Why do we even have this?!?!" and i start waving my arms around to get the smoke out of my face ( It smells like burnt cotton candy , and i don't imagine that is good to be breathing in......)

So i swat it all away

AND THE FRICKEN FIRE ALARM GOES OFF

and i scream " IT WASNT ME"

But secretly i hope it was me.

that would be like the third time i have made a fire alarm go off.

*GUSHY GIRL POST ALERT*

So Joshie had improv rehearsal while I had Forum rehearsal, and so i decided to leave him a note on his car.

So i wandered around the MCC parking lot for like 20 minuets.

And i couldn't find it.

And so i asked this girl, who happens to be his ex girlfriend if she would help me find his car.

it was minimally awkward.

So together we found the car and  i left my little note.

And went about my business.

So, i get home from rehearsal, which was good, but none the less EXHAUSTING and i walk up to my door and see a little sheet of paper taped to my door.

He left me a precious note.

.....

BEST BOYFRIEND EVERRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR.

It was the best thing to come home to. like so far in my life.

The other day, my director told me how much he loved me and said "Can you be in every show I ever do?" 

And i replied "I think that is up to you."

so....that makes me happy.

Because that means I will be doing more shows.

Hmmm what else.

Oh.

nothing really.

tomorrow is my and Josh's month anniversary. 

Cool bones. 

anyway.

thats all !

Look at the stars, look how they shine for you and everything you do.

I put frozen peas on my knees regularly.






This is a quick catch up blog.




quick. one.




Josh.
He's my favorite thing to talk about.
He's my favorite.


People worry about me a lot, concerning him.
He is genuinely the sweetest, most respectful boy I have ever met.
He makes me better.




Show.
I enjoy it a lot.
Im just getting to the "scared out of mind phase" now that its like....2 weeks away,and im expected to know everything and actually carry props and be in a costume.
 But i know im gonna love it.




School.
Im dropping that lame o class.
Of course I havnt told her yet.
....Im a little scared.


Hmmmm what else....


Im doing really well in my classes...but...i mean,.....they arnt even hard...and i never do my homework....
Like....i could be kickin trash if i just tried.




But im too busy with the aforesaid activities.


(thank you for teaching me the word "aforesaid" Sarah!)






"Thats what happens when you get a boyfriend"
Psssshhh whatever
^^^that was my mom speaking, by the way.






Speakin of which.
I dunno if i told you guys or not, but i had decided I wanted to try and be really honest with my family.
Yeah, no, im done with that.




Even tho.....I mean....I kinda still am.
But here is what I realized.
I used to pride myself on being honest and open.


But i realized - ITS JUST THAT I CANT KEEP ANYTHING TO MYSELF.




Like, I can keep someones secret. easy.
I JUST CANT KEEP MY OWN.
Oh well.
Ill get better at it.




Did you know if you misspell "genuinely" and try to correct it, it suggest genitalia.




Way better suggestion.








What else to I have to talk about.




Oh.
Im super confused in life.
I have no idea what I want.
Well, i know I like boys.




But i dont know what i want to do with my life, what direction i want to go in.
Sort of related: Im really sick of living at home.


Like,,,,,,if i had a job.....Id be on my own.....


Im a little sick of religion being shoved down my throat.
But i cant really blame them


Pressure to go...only makes me want to go less.
Im not like...."Oh i really appreciated your sarcastic remark about my inactivity, i think i will go next week. Congratulations , you have magically brought me back."




But its just a pissy phase im going through.


Guys.....wait.....I have a job.
(its so late at night)
I mean one that pays.well.


Did you know I already have dishes and mugs and measuring spoons for when i move out.
So now its just a waiting game, i guess.






Recap:
Life is going well.

This is how the story went, i met someone by accident, who blew me away.

You know when you know you're gonna start your period?


 a shel silverstien poem makes you sob on the walmart linoleum floor alone for hours.


And everyday stresses make you want to run away with just the clothes on your back and a picture of your dog.


Thats my favorite part of menstruation.


Being a hella psycho she-devil.




I have had a pretty stressful bummer week (its only tuesday. Technically wednesday, but i have not yet gone to bed to make it wednesday....)  so brace yourself. 






I drank coffee today.
It was way gross.
Not even worth the black mark on my soul.




So here is how this went down.
there is this precious coffee house in town(you can buy other things than coffee), and tonight was like the perfect night, cuz its butt cold.
So i was on the phone with friends saying how we should go there
And i get off the phone and my parents are like "ARE YOU DRINKING COFFEE?!?!?"
And then my mother starts baballing about how she just wants all of us  to be together in heaven
And lately, i have been  REALLY touchy about religion.
So.I went for it.


"God is a really cool guy. Heaven is not this mulit-level cast system where your whole family has to take a fricken multiple choice exam on a scantron to get in, and if you place differently you will never see them again.I will not be shunned to the terrestrial kingdom for drinking coffee."


And I hadnt even drinken a coffee yet.


SO that induced a pretty sweet religious conversation. But my parents are pretty chill and accepting. And luckily i have pretty solid arguments and a sense of humor. so it wasnt too bad.


I really hate talking about the afterlife.
Everyone talks like they know what is going to happen. And they dont.
All i know is God is kinda the best guy ever, and hes not going to be a douche to you if you lived a good life, tried your best,and were genuinely sorry for the times you didnt.








So everyone needs to stop thinking they are better than him and can tell me where im going when I die.
Im pretty sure thats his thing, not yours.






Plain and simple.


It doesnt have to be so complex people.


Live a life you know is right .
















So i have this class.


Cin-e-ma


"Wow, what a fun class, watch moveis and talk about them, and learn a whole lot and love your life."


Wrong.


Sit and watch awful documentaries and then click on the lights and leave with no social interaction and then go home and write a collegiate 9 page response about how the holocaust was bad.




Psh.
So really. Thats the only stress i have in life.
And so i want to drop it.




Cons:

• i cant get my money back
• i will have a 2 hour gap between classes
• it would be really awkward to tell the instructor i want to drop. and she is big in the theater department, so i will likely have to work with her. a lot.
• finally, there is this really bad-ass girl who is wicked cool. and i like sitting around her and feeling a fraction-badd-ass.

Pro's:

• I will no longer be miserable. 

Guys. Jen is coming in town!
This is Jen and I

Jen is one of my all time best friends.
I talk to her most out of all of my goner-college friends.
We call each other at 2 in the morning and tell each other our problems.
Shes the best.
















you know why i am so jealous of birds. Cuz they have no stresses. 
















Dude.I used to have a blog named (are you ready for this...? Its the best thing ever, DONT STEAL IT.)
















Blahg Blahg Blahg










So cute.








Anyway.
Thats all I have for tonight
This has been my moody/menstruation/getoffmybackaboutrelgion - blog.






KAYBYE.

bad kids, all my friends are bad kids.

Seriously, can i just put this in perspective for you.


Thursday night : I cleaned the kitchen spotless at 3 am.
Friday morning, I clean the kitchen when i wake up ,cuz its dirty again.
Friday morning: I clean the kitchen again at 3 am.
Saturday: I MOTHER EFFFFING CLEAN THE MOTHER EFFING KITCHEN AGAIN. HOLY EFF WORD PEOPLE, CLEAN UP YOUR FIRCKEN SHIZNIT.


And then I ask Taylor to clean the family room, because cute girls are coming  over. And he's like yeah totally.
And so i ask him again today
and he goes "ugh, yeah, when are people coming?"
Translation "How long do I have to procrastinate, and NOT do it."
So i keep pestering him, and he acts like  its a huge shock that i dont believe he will do it.




Men. 


And then this morning, I ask my dad to take out the recycling because taylor and i are leaving for load-in.
And my dad goes "Why cant you do it ?"


ya know what, you're right dad, why cant i do it ?


OH MAYBE ITS BECAUSE MY FRIECKEN HANDS ARE PARALYZED AND PRUNY FROM ALL OF THE OTHER KITCHEN CLEANING I HAVE BEEN DOING IN THE LAST 3 DAYS.


Im gonna be the best wife ever.


Cuz im gonna do all of the work.
Im just gonna hate my life.


And use sex as a bargaining tool.




Oh, now taylor is taking a shower.




Seriously guys.
Im gonna loose it. 




THEY JUST BROUGHT HOME GROCIERYS AND THEY ARE CLUTTERING UP THE TABLE. i CAN NOT EMOTIONALLY HANDLE THIS! I DONT EVEN CARE THAT GROCIERIES IS SPELT WRONG.