Upon becoming an empty nester, my mother has started actively using her facebook, a first for her.
She signs her comments with her name.
My brother left for his mission about 3 or 4 weeks ago.
People are excited for him, so they often ask me about it. How he is doing, what I think of it...etc
I'm never as happy to talk about it as I feel they expected.
In fact for the first week I couldn't even talk about it without tearing up and consequently abruptly changing the subject.
My first email was nothing but jokes about how Im sure my life is more interesting than his.
My brother hugged me goodbye tight. My face in his shoulders, I could only hear the tears in his voice as he said "Ïm going to miss you so much, Im so proud of you, just keep doing what your doing, Im so proud of you - know that."
My response was a monotone "love you, bye"
I walked away fast.
because as anyone who I've broken up with knows, I'm not good with emotions I don't like and Im even worse with goodbyes.
My brother was inactive before I was. We became best friends once I attended college with him, and at the same time, became inactive myself.
We were each others allys when family came into town and aggressively "invited" us to church. Allys when we sat through cult-like ceremonies of children in all white.... him and I turning to each other with wide eyes and terrified eyebrows.
People around me have either forgotten or never knew how close Taylor and I were, not understanding my silence that glistens with anger.
As Taylor began ASU and I began devout feminism both distance and believes slowly lulled us from one another. My resentment and his admiration for the church growing at the same pace.
I cried when Taylor left, but I think I cried most when I found out he was leaving.
To me he's already been gone a long time.
Thats all Im really ready to say at this point.
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