You can blame the one before

Now that I know about really big problems in the world, like Nike sweat shops in Indonesia or current Government perpetuated oppression of minorities in America, it feels really pointless to write about such meaningless things.

In this case, my love life.


I don't think I have posted anything about my love life in.... over 5 months. Aside from the occasional comedic story about some goodwill encounter.

I have  lot of reasons for this.
 But the biggest reason being...its non existent at the moment.
It didn't take me long to be reminded of my reputation of being a heartless man eater once I got out of my last relationship.
A reputation I used to kind of like, sort of as pay back to all the men who are womanizers.
But then I realized I would just chomping up really nice guys. And that isnt payback to anybody.
I also came to the sad conclusion I cant just do whatever I want.
Id "be myself" with guy friends and then play the "Im just a flirt" card.
Which I am. A huge flirt. It comes really natural. And I can seriously turn it on when I want to.
But then I realized I can also turn it off.

And I like it. I like when its turned off.


Today I overheard a woman on her phone at Goodwill.

"No, I cant just hang out with him and see where It goes. Im picky. It aint gonna go nowhere, and I cant have him freaking out when he realizes it."


COME TO ME SPIRIT ANIMAL.

Preemptive measures. Why hadn't I thought of that before.

I should have asked her every question I have about life.

Everything she said sparked a million thoughts in my head, but the one I keep replaying is the word "picky"

I just keep thinking "Im picky."

And thats why I dont flirt like a crazy person anymore.
Because Im picky.
Because I don't just date to "see where it goes" anymore. Cuz Ive seen where it goes.
Because I love not having to ask anyone's permission for anything.
Because I know Im not going to live in AZ for much longer.
Because I love proving to myself I can fall asleep without someone next to me.


People always make small talk starting with "So how about you and those boys Britanee"

"No boys." I answer smiling.
Its like my future has no face. And its so exciting.


Also, with everything Im learning in school, I cant even fathom being in a relationship.
Im on the outside looking in when it comes to dating and relationships.

They dont even make sense to me at this point.
Im not convinced that the kind of boy it will take to date me doesn't exist in Arizona. But Im pretty close to convinced.


Its this totally new feeling to be completely cut from the weight of relationships.
People always asking about them
Always thinking about them
wondering who will be next
worrying about who wont
writing blogs about them

After the break up with Sean. It was unavoidable.
All of my best friends were in relationships. Everyone was asking me about them. Everywhere I looked I was reminded I wasn't in one, and the clock was now ticking.

Im at this really enjoyable point where there is no clock.


Its like I can actually be productive in other aspects of my life.







I probably just jinxed everything and Im going to be in a relationship by tomorrow.