She's richer than Croesus, she's tougher than leather

Sunday,while waiting for my  improv show to begin I was chatting with my little sister, I looked over and saw this hooligan laser pointing the stage.

This is a boy I have been inclined to dislike for no particular reason other than he makes ignorant jokes about woman, and attends the show with a girl who also makes ignorant jokes about woman.

I also just dislike her because all of the male troupe members think shes attractive.
(Every once and a while I think and act like a girl. I know, I hate it.)



So i go over to him and jokingly say "Im sorry, Im gonna have to confiscate that as we do not allow laser pointers during our shows"

He couldnt tell if I was joking or not, and niether could his friends and to be honest, niether could I.

He started being a little butt face and so I said " look, just make sure you dont use it durring the show"

He implied "What are you gonna do about it"



My two  6 foot something 200 pound something brothers were BOTH at the show, and my brother Andrew (the tough one) was right behind this boy. I said "Do we have a problem? Andrew, we might have a problem"

Still pretty much joking...

As I said this the entire bar got quiet, thinking we were genuinly fighting. We werent, but I did want this kid to shut up....

I expected Andrew to stand up, the boy would get scared, and everyone would laugh and it would be over.

But Andrew Just sits there smiling.
The brother who said he will knock out any boy for me just sits there and smiles and blinks.


I looked back at the punk kid and said "i want to hear you say 'No Manm, we dont have a problem"


He looks at me.
and says "i could call you by your name, and say "Yes Bitch, we do have a problem"


I instantly went from any shred of joking to full on serious

"Now we have a problem"


I do not stand for men calling me a bitch.
Even jokingly.
I have had boyfriends who say it as a complete joke and I have to stop them and tell them I wont tolerate it, even as a joke


If a girl calls me a bitch tho, I really dont care.


So this stranger calls me a bitch in a bar.

With my 2 giant brothers right behind him.


And what do you think happens.

Andrew looks around.
And Taylor walks past me like hes never met me before.


At this point we are both aware the entire bar is listening to us.
The boy stands up and says "Look, I dont know if you are trying to scare me, but Im a full grown man and Im not gonna let some woman tell me what to do"

I said "When you reach 5"8 , then we'll talk" and I walked away.



What I learned from that night is that I cant depend on my brothers to protect me.


But on the bright side, I know they wont inflict any harm on future boys I bring home.






All I know is Nathan would have handled it.

You've carried on so long you couldn't stop if you tried

Jeappersss guys.

Seriously guys. I have had no time to blog at all regardless of the fact I have tons to blog about. In the past 5 days I have been home for about 3 hours (sleeping excluded) (#lovemybed)


Wanna know why its raining here?

Because I have a job which consequently forces me to be inside while I hear all about the one day of the year its rained.


You're welcome.

I kinda love my job. Ya know....after one day.
For the most part the customers are wicked nice. Yesterday, durring my first day, every single cash register froze and everyone was super patient...
I had a few meanies. But I handled them like a chammmmpppp, whhhaaaaaatttttt

Also, I get to touch clothes all day. Which is my favorite.
Id be completely happy doing nothing but floor work. Just setting clothes back on the racks.
Its like shopping but instead its like torture.

Some of my customers has the most impressive dollar deals Ive ever seen.
GET. IT.



Oh, get this, I WORK THIS SATURDAY WHICH IS HALLLLFFFF OFFFFFF SATURDAY.


OHHHHH GET READDDDY



Last night I caught up with my old Friend Michal Paris.

She is currently attending SWIHA and so is her man, who was at her apartment. They were talking about massage therapy and I asked them to use my body.


Sweet baby, it was such a gorgeous experience.

I got what is called a 4-hand massage

If there was a drug that made me feel that way, Id do it.

AND.

The Momma and Pappas were playing on vinyl.


It was so euphoric.



It was perfect.
On all accounts.


And then we drank iced coffee from mason jars and put her bike in my car and drove to SWIHA.

We're so perfect together.


I gotta keep this one short because I have work in just a bit.


awwww yeiii.
I get to wear jeans.
Look out.
Aint no one gonna be rude to me with this booty.


My life is so good.

Awwww snap. Aw snap.

Can someone tell me why my hair is taking 3 hours to dry?


So since I no longer spend every waking moment in Tempe, I now go to the chiropractor by my house.


My new chiropractor is like a grown up man hipster. The kind you see and instantly know he shops at Trader Joes.


I went and got an adjustment from him for the first time the other day and was trying not to laugh out loud at the thoughts this man made run through my head.
 Like imagine this grown man who looks kinda like Jesus holding my face inches away from his body and me just trying not to giggle.


Last night at Little Shop of Horrors rehearsal I was joking about how much I love when my Chiropractor touches me and how good he smells and how I make up ailments just to get more of his hands on me.
"Like yeah, Im having a lot of pain on my lower back. like. lowwwwerrrrrrrrrrrr"


This morning I woke up with a slight pain in my neck so I stretched it slightly to try and help it out.

Instead of any improvement all that happened was a pop and then i couldn't move my neck.


Opppssss guess I gotta go see Mr. Smells-good-holds-my-face.


I went in and this man spent like 40 minutes just rubbing and stretching my neck.




And while I cant move my neck for a couple days still....I was not mad that I had to go in and visit him.



He even gave me a complimentary Ice pack.



I know what your trying to say Trader Joe....





So I have a show tonight at a new venue with Names From A Hat  and so I was looking forward to having rang of motion in my neck.


Good thing i dont have to dunk my neck in and out of a bucket full of water or anything.



Updates since last Blaaaahgggg:

 I should just fill you in that my dad is "fine" (thats a whole other story that really brings out the conspiracy theorist in me), my second interview went awesome. I was told "If it wasnt for your availability I would hire you on the spot. But lemme see what I can do"
But most importantly. I LOVE my life so hard right now. I am so happy to be where Im at.

But if you close your eyes

Remember when I had that obsession with mashed potatoes? For about a week I truthfully ate at least 1 serving of mashed potatoes a day.


Its now become filibertos rice and beans. Like what? I aint mad.


Lets get into the thick of it. This blog has the potential to be one of the most eventful in a while, but due to its heaviness, I can even post all the crazy stuff. Cuz ya know, my blog isn't private....






I dont think I have ever had such an unpredictable couple of days like this....in longer than I can remember.

Friday I dropped my parents off at the airport to go visit my sister in Bosie, and then to go to a funeral in Salt Lake City.

I had no idea that was the start of such an impact-full weekend.


Saturday
I went to my second families house to watch a Documentary I had started a long time ago but never gotten to finish.

(I linked it, its kinda the coolest thing ever. All about how the media's depiction of woman genuinely affects the course of our future in a horrible way)

You can say that is when my life changed.

It made me a total feminist.

I should say it made me realize I was ALREADY a feminist.



That night, with  the help of a friend I realized I seriously want to look into devoting my future to woman's rights , sex education and the general development of the female youth.



Im gonna keep that part short and sweet, because I could go in depth about how much and what that means to me, but, I don't need to explain it. Im content at leaving it at that.


You should know, I haven't felt like myself in probably 10 months . In most recent months I have had small glimmers, but nothing to get too excited about.


Seriously. Sunday morning I woke up exactly the person I want to be.

Well, not really, I actually woke up really grumpy.

I was confronted with a conversation that needed to happen.The most important thing for you to know about this conversation is that it made me feel strong. While it was hard and ugly, it made me feel independent and in control of my own future. It reminded me of how I used to be.

I wanted to distract myself from the conversation so I decided I needed to go be productive. A Goodwill near my house is hiring and so I decided to drop off a resume , ya know the whole shpeal.


GIVEN THAT GOODWILL IS MY DREAM JOB.


I was given an interview on the spot, and scheduled for a second interview this week.

Well that's only the thing I want most.

A job.

And not only that, a job at Goodwill.

Then I went to my troupes improv show and felt really solid about my performance and my conduct surrounding the show.

SIDE NOTE: I TOTALLY GOT PUNCHED IN THE FACE (on accident) but I started bleeding and my TEETH hurt and my skull felt broken and my right eye was tingly.


BUT I FELT LIKE THE MOST BAD ASS.

Scratch that off the bucket list.


That night also has a lot of other instances of me taking care of my business in a way I was proud of.
And also in ways that left me thinking.

Lets just say, this summer is sure to be quite the adventure.

Okay,so looking back at what I've written, it doesnt seem so exciting, but trust me, it seriously is. I finally feel like I'm back on track.

Sunday was a nuts 24 hours. Such clarity. Made me feel like the person I want to be. I was so thankful for all aspects of my life. Especially my family. I remember walking to a friends apartment and thinking " I need to call my parents and tell them how much I appreciate all they do"

I remember that moment very clearly and I remember it being completely random.

I didnt make the call.


Today I went about my day, still with a crazy positive attitude.



I did really mundane things. I was out with my brother when he got a phone call and I saw concern slowly bleed into his face.


This happens every once and a while for various reasons, so I wasn't worried. I was mostly just excited to find out the juicy gossip.

It was my mom. Who is in Salt Lake City with my Dad and my sister for the aforementioned funeral. I was told by Taylor something was  happening with my dad and he was at the hospital. Oddly enough I was too worried. Maybe because Taylor wasnt worried. Maybe because I never heard the fear in my moms voice. I went about my night figuring there was nothing I could do from here, and trying to stay optimistic.


During rehearsal I realized I had a missed call. I slipped out and returned the call to my mom. She of course, was asking me if id run some errand for her, and if that was important.

With frustration,I  told her Id taken care of that hours ago, and it wasn't something I cared about at the moment. I asked to find out what was going on.


Naturally I was to ask what was going on, but the real motivation behind the question was the stress I heard in my mothers voice.


She tiredly answered "Dad was having chest pains and was unable to support himself this afternoon. We called an ambulance. It wasn't a heart attack. They admitted him overnight for observation because they cant get his heart beat to slow down, and he has an unexplainable fever they cant get to go away."


Thats all I remember from the conversation. I dont remember how I ended up ending the phone call.

The next thing I remember is sitting in rehearsal and thinking

"The last time you saw your dad could be the last time you ever see him. You cant even go say goodbye if the time came, because he's in salt lake, and you couldn't get there in time"


I remember a thousand thoughts at once about how I wasn't there to help my mom , or how she only has the clothes she packed, or how she wont be eating home made meals,or how my dad is the only person who can calm her down , or how none of the men from my dads ward are there to give him a blessing, or how many people I know who have suddenly died from heart complications recently,or imagining my dad getting into an ambulance and my mother trying to stay OK,or the horrors stories I have heard of people getting a text during a show that their father just died ,but the the worst one was how there was literally not a thing I could do.


Somewhere during one of these thousand thoughts I had started crying. In rehearsal.


Im not a cryer.


Especially not a public cryer.

I did the best I could to calm down.

I had lots of reasons I needed to.

Taylor saw me crying and of course became terrified.
I needed to calm down to reassure I hadnt just gotten a phone call that our father had died.

I need to stop crying because I had a scene coming up very soon.


I needed to stop crying because people were beginning to notice.




I pulled it together and finished the rehearsal. And came home and ate.

And called my sister and made sure she was taking care of my mom.


And blogged.


So now I feel better.


Sort of.




I really wasnt wrong when I said this summer would be an adventure.

The entire Adele soundtrack

Being fresh out of a break up is like being an old woman. Im grumpy.I get to sleep as much as I want. And I get to say whatever the hell I want. I haven't tried cutting grocery lines yet, but give it time.

Its like you're my mirror

My life has been pretty eventful lately.

Two weeks ago I auditioned for Little Shop of Horrors at MCC. I wanted a do-wop girl.
Ya know, the black sassy girls who strut around stage.

I started feeling sick the day before my audition,and by audition time, I had lost a good amount of my range.

I got a callback for a do-wop girl, which was especially exciting because this production is with a director I've never worked with,so I felt like it was the first callback I really earned. But at the same time,harmonies terrify me,and that is all the do-wop girls do.

About two days before call backs, I literally start loosing my voice. While scratchy voices are sexy,they are not the best for belting.I was terrified to even talk. Side note: Singers keep ThroatCoat in business.


Anyway,by callbacks I had no voice. I told myself "Just show off your personality, they already know you can sing",


But I was so discouraged that I just gave an all around awful call back.

In the end, I was offered featured ensemble.


Which I have no accepted yet due to the fact I interviewed for the most bomb office job.


It is an office assistant position for a sales company.Most of their business comes from the east coast, so the afternoons get pretty dead (due to the 3 hour time difference). The boss told me "When it gets slow, you can just watch netflix or do homework." then he showed me the break room and said "You would be in charge of orders,so if theres anything you want, just order it. "

uhm,


I get netflix AND snacks.

And the pay is pretty.


He told me he would get back to me by Friday or Monday (May 6th).

Monday rolled around and I hadnt heard from him. Sean Ryan told me to do a follow up call and just see if a decision had been made. I told him I didnt think that was necessary, figuring it had already been determined and I just hadnt gotten the job. I called my dad and asked what he thought and my dad replied "Life gets busy.Call and follow-up,Say he hasnt made his decision,and you are the only applicant who does a follow up  call. That could be what gets you the job" I rolled my eyes and begrudgingly called. It went to voicemail and I left a message and thought nothing of it.

Tuesday I got a text message from the boss saying they had not made a dession,but I was still in consideration.


BOOM.



My dad is a smart person.
And I guess my boyfriend too...


Also, I have been watching 3 boys (10,6,1) for 3 days.


The baby. is perfect.
All he does is eat ,watch movies and sleep.
So, him and I get along great. He is basically a mini college kid.


I feel like the real deal. I drive them to extra-curricular activities,pack their lunch,do dishes. Im practically a single mom. Complete with the longing sense to be loved as well as the most fierce independence and protectiveness of my little babies.


Yesterday,we went out and came back and the main door was locked,which I had not done.
I got so protective.Imagine me busting in the house with zero fear, the only thought I had was to  protect my boys.

The mystery was never solved.




Yesterday I found out I am only 16-20 credits from an associates. Dang! I just have 2 bio classes,1 humanities class,and then math.

Oh math.

You wont treat me as bad as you did in high school. I'm a whole new woman.

The adviser set me up with classes for naturopathy,instead of dietetics, which is kind of the coolest thing ever. Actually being on that path is so exciting. Then he called me pre-med. And I felt like the most bad a b.


So. the current plan is- if i get the job,to take the job and either juggle the show,or online classes for summer semester.

If no job- take bio all summer and do the show.


Either way,its gonna be one eventful summer.

Do it right now.

The greatest realization I have had is that I have no idea of my own potential.