I feel like Im the worst so I always act like I'm the best

Anyone who has talked to me in the last 5 months knows I am job hunting.

 This is not like a "father-son-weekend-hunting-trip".

I am on a "backpacking-through-freaking-Africa-and-living-off-of-what-I-kill" job hunt. 

I genuinely haven't had time to wash  my interview outfit that's how often Im wearing it. 

Side note I love my interview outfit - Maroon peplum with black high waisted skinny slacks.

Thanks GEE-DUBS.

I dont even get nervous for job interviews anymore. 

I treat them like a day job.

I wake up and Im like "Another day in the office"

My neighbors must think I have a really grown up job with how often Im leaving the house in business clothes.

"Britanee has really established herself!"

Thats the idea....

Today's interview tale.

I sat watching a national geographic story on polar bear attacks as the man next to me (a fellow interviewee) fell asleep and softly snored.

A man who was had just been hired and arrived for training came in and explained to the girl next to me that the position being hired was a phone sales job.

*eye roll*

No thank you.

The receptionist runs over and pipes up "Alright, there are many positions, dont scare them away"

Darn right!

So now I am convinced this is going to be a waste of my time, again.

Finally, my name was called, and I shuffled up the stairs (of this surprisingly fancy place) into a small office with inspirational posters.

My interviewer was a large black man with a friendly smile.

We're talking Michael Clarke Dunkan like.

Now, me telling you this black an had a friendly smile is completely unnecessary.

And I will tell you why.

I THINK ALL BLACK MEN ARE SO FRIENDLY.

I think its a combination of my ghetto booty and my experiences in NYC that have made me more comfortable with black men than white men.

I could be in an abandoned parking lot at 3 am and see a large black man walking toward me and think "Im so glad that man is here, he will protect me from any danger"

If I am in a room full of no one I know, the first people I will talk to are men. 

Preferably large.

Preferably black.

That is the scale by  which I sort my socializing.

Its because they remind me of my brothers.

If someone looks like Taylor, I will instantly feel comfortable talking to him

And....we all know Andrew is Keenan Thompson's white counter part. 

I literally cant watch SNL without missing Andrew.

CONTINUING WITH THE ORIGINAL STORY.

So he asks me what Im looking for and I say something personable and fast paced, preferably hourly wage, not commission.

He begins to tell me about a commission position where I would have the potential to make 1000$ a week.

He then tactfully says "Well, you are very attractive, so .... you would do well."

Lets just talk about how that is the new theme of my job interviews.

I had no idea how much money I could make due to my above average face.....

I dont think Im breath-taking-ly beautiful, but I know how to do my eye make up and brush may hair and you would think any girl could master that....

But let me just tell you the job hunt brings out a lot of ugly girls.

We're talking girls who use charcoal pencils for eye liner and think a banana clip and scrunchies constitute a hairstyle.

Honey......

Im not joking when I say that today is not the first time I have been informed of how much money I have the potential to make due to my aesthetic.

I feel three things when I hear this and Im going to use percentages to describe their dominance.

Degraded 1%

Flattered 48%

Debate Cashing in on my looks while I have them 51%

Does that add up to 100%?

I dont know, but I dont have to know, because I could make a lot of money with how attractive I am.

You can stare at me all you want, but don't ask me to add up numbers....

Im not even going to pretend I dont love hearing it....

At this point im just like " come one....say it....lets not tip toe around it"

Of course the interview goes great because I am comfortable with him and there's lots of laughing and Im trying really hard not to say "OHHHHH CHILD"

He then tells me about an administrative position (WHICH IS WHAT IM LOOKING FOR) with bomb pay.

He asks me how many words per minute I can type and I reply " I dont know the exact number, lets just say in Facebook instant messaging , NO ONE  can keep up with me"

"So....maybe 25-30?"

"No, no, no. Much higher"

"Ohhhhhh girl, Im gonna write 45-55"

"Thats a safe bet"

He liked me lots and told me he would hand it over to the hiring manager for administrative.

It was NOT a waste of time.

SO that is today interview tale.

No porn involved.