And all you ever did was wr-e-e-eck me.

So Im very bad at not letting boys pay for me.

I want to get better at it.

A big part of this is making more money so the offer isnt so damn inciting.

Ive never been good at the situation.

Let me tell you, I know what Robin Thicke means when he says he "hates those blurred lines"
I hate when Im hanging out with a boy and he buys me food.


My eye balls get all big and I start calculating whether this is now a date or not, and then I have to try and pick apart whether he has a crush on me or not and then I have to look within my soul and see if I like him back,and then I have to decide weather he would be a good father to our children, and if he would support my decision to NOT have a television in the bedroom,  all for a slice of pizza.


And that all happens in that split second our eyes meet after the waiter sets down the check.

And we both start talking over each other about "Who's got it"

And I never have cash to split my half. Or pay the tip.

Then he pays for me.


And then I make some joke about how I dont owe him sex.


Guys that entire scenario was not made up.


I really said "I don't owe you sex."






So. I have decided Im going to just alleviate all this by asking for a separate check as soon as I place my order. No dispute. No blurred lines. No future nights falling asleep with the TV on.



So last night Im out with a really good friend of mine, who is a male.
We go to Applebees, cuz its half off appetizers, and I order my classic buffalo wings bone in and say "And can we have this on separate checks please?


The waitress goes "Wait, you aren't on a date?!"


http://img.gawkerassets.com/img/188d3y9e88nq2gif/ku-medium.gif


This is the same boy who I was out with the night previous and BECAUSE I WAS WEARING A DRESS. andhewasinasportscoatandtie everyone kept asking if we were on a date. And by everyone, I mean complete strangers. I was so pissed. I just wanted to wear a dress.
Eventually I gave up fighting it and deemed it a date.
He was a great date, tho.




Have you ever stood under a moving train (it was on a bridge) that you ran in heels to catch?

I dont think so


Although, I did have to hold my tounge when the girl taking our orders said "Im all for womans rights but,ITS A DATE, HE HAS TO PAY"




IM GETTING AWAY FROM THE POINT.

So Im already annoyed that a female cant be out with a male without it being a date.

This ho waitress says "Wait, you aren't on a date?"


This poor boy looks at me and I turn to the waitress and say

"No, well, we used to date, and then we broke up. This is actually our first time hanging out since the break-up.Its kinda uncomfortable"

DUMB THING!
What was her motivation to ask that.


Possible outcomes:

• YES: "Its our first date and its incredibly awkward."
• NO: "I really have no feelings for this boy,even tho he wishes I did."

Seriously, what was a good outcome for her?

"Yeah we are on a date but I have this problem where I pay for meals with my vagina instead of my own money.So Im trying to cut back on it..."

She instantly freezes, feeling so awful.

Which is what I intended.

Of course Im with the nicest boy ever, and he and I reassure her that's not the case and we were just joking.

She then hated us for the rest of the night.

BUT SHE DIDN'T HATE MY NOT-DATES BEST FRIEND WHO WAS LITERALLY THE APPLEBEE'S CELEBRITY.

thats a story I dont even have the finger strength to type. 

I literally spent DAYS coming up with how to handle that situation. And that dumb piece of garbage just throws it all away.

THE WHOLE POINT OF ME SPLITTING THE CHECK WAS SO WE NEVER HAD TO DEFINE IF IT WAS A DATE.

ugh,such rage.

she was awful.