This blog is all about weird things that happen to me while at Goodwill.
I'm positive I rang up a herd of polygamists.
100% Positive.
I watched enough Big Love to know a polygamist when I see one.
Well, 3.
Im only counting the ones who looked old enough to share a husband.
I set the cut off pretty low....
There were a ton of babies.
But, I mean......that only means they are succeeding at their goal.
Or whatever.
What if polygamy turns into the same status as Homosexuals?
Like in 50 years this blog will be total bigotry.
Already is.
I wish them all the happiness.
Also, today I was carrying a Baseball bat I had found in the clothing section. When you have to take something back to its particular spot its called a "go-back"
I studied for this stuff.
So Im carrying my go-back bat and I walk past a register my friend was ringing up a customer on.
The customer sees me in her peripherals and visibly jumps and shouts "OH! You scared me so badly, I thought you were my husband." She was genuinely shaken . She didn't even do that self conscious laugh you do when you realize you were scared for no reason.
I wanted to give her the number for a woman's shelter.
It was the oddest combination of things.
So many reasons none of that made sense.
I could only conclude her husband often sneaks up on her with baseball bats.
Moving right down the list....
OH.
There was that awesome story of the man who asked me on a date.
The 70 something year old man.
I was ringing up other customers and this guy was sitting in a chair behind me just talking to me.
I was trying to ask a customer questions necessary to complete the check out process and hes just piped in
"You are gonna live a long life. Im sure you dont know this,but you are going to heaven."
I shot back "Oh I know."
I hate when people a) make any kind of assumption about my relationship with a higher power and b) preach to me as if their knowledge makes them superior to me and they are going to save my soul.
Dont ever deliver me a note from Jesus. Him and I talk face to face.
And also, like what assumptions was he making about my life?
Like:"Look at that sad girl working at goodwill. She has made so many mistakes and worries she is going to hell"
Fool. You have never met a 20 year old like me.....
He tells me "You are a good person. Your gonna live a long life. No really Im a psychic with these things."
I laughed and told him Im probably gonna die on the drive home.
I dont know if I blocked this out or if it was really just so blunt it had no smooth transition....
Imagine just being under water and hearing someone address you from above the water. It was that kind of sound and by the time I surfaced all I heard was "I want to meet you at the bar on Mcklintock and the 101 {those streets dont intersect, noob} . Its a fantastic place, the food is delectable.You know, the casino? I will buy you all the food and drink you want. Anything you'd like."
I looked at him in a way that is going to effect my skin when Im older. I cant even tell you where my left eyebrow went...
He honestly lifted his hand to his mouth and said pantomimed drinking and said "Drinks." as if I didn't comprehend. "Your old enough to drink right?"
"SHUCKS. Im not. But thanks for the invite."
All of this as Im trying to ring up this guy who is totally suppressing laughter.
He ends with
"Can, I just tell you, you are beautiful"
I had been thinking a lot about this compliment prior to this particular occurrence.
I really don't understand it.
What about telling a stranger she is beautiful is impressive or impactful.
I think to people who don't know their worth, maybe it makes a difference to them.
*DOUCHEBAG ALLERT*
Telling me Im beautiful is like telling me the sun is out while we are both on the same park bench.
And then expecting me to be flattered by your blunt bravery...
Honestly. Im not trying to be cocky...the compliment just makes no sense to me.
I like to hear it every once and a while from my significant other. Maybe on the rare days I need some reassurance, but other than that.....
What is my response supposed to be?
"Thank you"
FOR WHAT?
You didnt make me pretty.
A lucky strand of DNA and some self help tips caused me to appear like this.
Not your compliment.
And I said I was gonna avoid some deep feminism.....
SO I had been thinking what I would say next time someone complimented me on my looks.
I had decided I would say "Thank you for saying so" or "I appreciate you saying so."
This M-EFFER makes me say "Well, thank you."
Just to shut him up.
The next person who calls me beautiful is gonna get it!
I was so pissed.
YOU JUST LOST ANY CHANCE OF ME MEETING YOU AT THE FREEWAY BAR CASINO.
Maybe next time some stranger calls me beautiful I will just say "And?"
Think about that compliment.
It sucks.
Once a boy said "congratulations on your face" as he shook my hand.
Perfect.
What was I talking about.....
Oh yeah, weird customers at the GWs.
Today, I was cleaning below my counter when this girl abruptly shouts "Hey" towards me.
The same girl who had very rudely told me she refused to donate her 3 cents change because it wouldn't benefit her.
She turned out to be joking.,which she informed me of as I was setting the 3 cents in here hand. Which was actually even more inconvenient (Which would make sense if you knew the cash donation process. Her flop in decisions just made me have to repeat several steps and waste a ton of paper....)
So. She shouts "Hey"
I jump up, customer service face (huge smile) ready and say "How can I help you" dreading interacting again with this lady.
She goes "Well you are just too excited about life." annoyed.
I said "Its only because I'm young. I'm sure I'll lose it soon"
...just like you wench.
She goes "No. Keep it. Do you know Jesus?"
Here we go again with the Jesus thing....
I reply "I sure do"
She quacks, "Then you will be fine."
This video is relevant.
Facebook is selling me.
Look at this!
"Hey man, she likes music and reading and shes single. Click add"
Why is that what shows up!
The books I read?
Thats all.
Im so sleepy.
Ps
This song is good.
A lot
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4KaAY7bewd8
andthis
"Your wrongs do set a scandal on my sex.
We cannot fight for love as men may do.
We should be wooed and were not made to woo."
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