Make a big noise.

Today in Human sexuality we watched the Documentary Lets Talk About Sex


I know I'm a documentary pusher. I know I throw them your way. But honestly. This documentary is a direct reflection of my opinion on the connotation of sex here in the states.


I'd strongly suggest you watch the documentary before you read this blog post.

I can not convey strongly enough how much every single person in the united states NEEDS to watch this.



The documentary talks a lot about how for such a sexual culture (ads, tv, etc) that we are so sexually uneducated. Sexually Uneducated in the sense that sex or sexuality is frightening. We use scare tactics with our children. We teach them "Just wait until your married" even though WE didnt. We find condoms in our children's room and think confiscating them will fix the problem.


Parents are only using the tools they were given. Tools from parents who were just as uncomfortable and awkward as they are.


Guys. Its not working.

Thinking your kid is NOT included in the outrageous statistics of kids who loose their virginity before 18 is a serious danger.


Parents think these statics of teen sex and teen pregnancy and teen abortion come from another demographic, another part town ,another religion.

No, its your daughter.

Its your daughter who goes to church every Sunday  and signed a virginity pledge who lost her virginity at a party to someone she had just met.


And its your daughter who is too scarred out of her mind to talk to you.
So she is talking to her 16 year old best friend, who knows at little as she does.


And Im not going to stop talking about it because it makes you uncomfortable or it makes you question my promiscuity or it makes your 13 year old daughter ask questions.


Why is it so hard for a parent to talk to their child about sex?

Because society says it is.

Because we are all told its awkward.

Which is why it is.




Because we've all been told ITS BAD and ITS DANGEROUS and ITS SPECIAL and DONT EVEN THINK ABOUT IT and if you do think about it GO TAKE A SHOWER AND PRAY THAT YOU CAN STOP THINKING ABOUT IT


I have a friend who said "If my mom wouldn't have taken the time to talk about sex,even when its awkward, all I would know about sex is what I see on TV"


Do you want your kids learning about sex from TV SHOWS?!?!!?


You know how most kids find out about sex?

Google.

They google their questions.

Because mom and dad think if they don't talk about it, kids wont have questions.


And its not media marketing or the way your classmates dress that make you want to have sex.
Its the fact you are a human.


Parents think if they keep their kids away from all of that it wont be an issue.


Children don't develop their reproductive systems by watching TV or hearing the word SEX.

I refuse to conform with american society in saying  this subject is too taboo to talk about. Because its not.


YES its special
YES it comes with unimaginable responsibility and consequences
YES there is potential for danger



Your kids are having Sex.
Do they know about pre-ejaculate?
Do they know that 80% of  sexually active people have HPV?
Do they have the confidence to ask if their partner has been tested?
Do they feel too ashamed to buy condoms?


Does your daughter have the confidence to say no?



Everyone told me "Dont loose your virginity before your married, like I did, you'll regret it.Trust me"
"Just stop sleeping over at his house. Dont have sex"


No one told me why Id regret it. No one told me anything but not to do it.

So when I did DECIDE do it, I was completely unprepared.
We thought if we didnt buy condoms, we wouldnt have sex.
So we had unprotected sex, because when the time came....neither of us had one.
And I had no idea that pre-ejaculate existed.
I was an 18 year old mormon girl.
Where was I going to get a condom?
Behind the locked cage at Safeway?
And then I told my young dumbass friends, who told me I was going to get pregnant if I didnt go take Plan B.

So then I drove my self to CVS and sheepishly asked the pharmacist for it.
I payed the 60 dollars which almost cleared out my checking account
I skipped my English 101 class and sat at my boyfriends dinner table with a sandwhich and a glass of water starring at the pill with tears in my eyes.
I took the two pills and threw the container away in someone else's trash can, so none of his family would see it.


I went home and slept. and slept. and bled. and cried. a lot.

I cried because I was terrified.
Because I had no idea what was happening in my body, or if Id just killed a baby.
I cried because I knew I wasnt going to marry this person.
I cried because I had just ruined my worth.
I cried because I had no one to talk to.


I cried because 60 dollars is a lot of money.

The next day I told my mom.
I had told her we had unprotected sex and that I'd taken Plan B and was afraid of the hormones Id put in my body.
My mother soothed the myths from my mind and reassured me she loved me. She offered suggestions of how to practice safe sex.
She told me not to tell my dad.

Who was quick to figure it out.

I have always been ridiculously grateful for the relationship that created with my mother.
I confided in her many more times about sex and birth control and relationships.
I had someone to answer any questions I chose to ask.
I didnt have to sneak around to find birth control
I didnt have to lie and say I was sleeping at my best girlfriends house.




She never once judged me or told me Id regret it.


We were past the point of prevention. It was time for upkeep.



Months before, I casually brought up that things were getting pretty serious with myself and this boy. And if I was to have sex with him if she would want to know.
She answered me "That is none of my business. But if you feel comfortable telling me, Id like to know"

So I did.
I upheld my end of the deal,and she with hers.



Why did I do all of this.
Because sex isnt something to take lightly.
I was making grown up decisions which undoubtedly came with their grown up consequences.
I wasn't like my friends who were hiding their birth control and saying they were sleeping at my house.

Out of a class of 30 people , I was one of 3 to tell my parents about my first sexual encounter.
Kids dont talk to their parents about sex. I was the exception. Not the rule.

And I still am.

Stop teaching your kids its bad. Stop teaching your kids not to ask questions. Stop teaching your kids to be ashamed of their body parts.


Because 18 years of opinion doesn't go away in one night just because a ring is on your finger.


And if you are someone reading this with questions, I genuinely hope you find the courage to a) stand behind your calculated decisions and b) find someone safe to confide in.

And if you cant find anyone safe, you are MORE than welcome to confide in me.