Then I was young and unafraid

When I was a senior in highschool, My young woman leaders had us wright a letter to ourselves to read in a year. I lost it.
Lately, I have been feeling super lost, I dont know what I want to do schooling wise, or career wise.
Im just not feeling like myself.
So I looked for my patriartichal blessing to read.( im not even gonna try to figure out how to spell that shish)
Upon looking for my patriartiichal blessing, I found the letter I wrote to myself almost 2 years ago.

Lets just say I was one smarrrrt 17 year old.



1/19/2011
Dear Me,
Man this is a big year for you. Graduating  Growin up. Right now Im listening to HSM2 while my young woman chatter in the background. I am so excited to see who you become. Things are gonna be crazy different by the end of this year, they better all be things you're proud of. I hope this summer is crazy memorable,make the most of it and do a lot of growing up. Please do whats best for you and not what may be best for others. Remember the person you want to be, and keep it in all you're decisions.
Its going to be nice to read this again, after the real tough decisions have been made. I really hope you find the courage to do what you know you need to. You can do it. Keep the good friends you have, and make lots of new ones.I hope you go out of your comfort zone and love it, and I hope you figure it all out.
Remember your standards and morals.Strengthen them. Dont be like all the other girls. Dont sell yourself short no matter how lonely you are  or how bad you want it to work. 
Strive to be a woman your family will be proud of,that people can look up to and depend on.
Have a lot of fun, enjoy the people around you,they are all very temporary. Appreciate them. Work to make others feel special. Always keep a level head. Be confident. 

Be who you want to be.

See ya in a year. 






I knew myself really well when I was 17.
I was scared to read this when I found it.

She came in threw the bathroom window

So the other night I was working on my research paper, which I planned to work on all night,when Taylor suggested we go play ultimate Frisbee.
I never turn down an oppritunity (how the balls do you spell that damn word.I give up) to show boys I am better at them than something ,so I agreed.
We get there....and this is not your average ultimate Frisbee  This is all full grown men with like muscle milk and a rating system The kind that dont come to chit chat-they come to play.
So im already a little intimidated.
Not to mention I am one of two females, and the other is like....the ultimate woman.
Pffft.


Anyway, I end up making really good friends with a few of my team mates,and so they feel inclined to include me despite my shouting "Im not good dont throw me the frisbee!".
And eventually they did throw me the frisbee.
I was wearing thees $5 keds with ZERO traction (because they matched my pants) a decision I instantly regretted and I began falling backwards towards the Arizona grass(concrete).

For real, instantly blacked out, saw neon green and blue stars and circles, and then came to.
Here is the order of my thoughts:

• You REALLY DO see stars
• ouch
• cussing
• get up britanee, your gonna look like a girl

So I get up, start cracking jokes, which I don't remember, and trying to make sense of what my brain was projecting as eye sight.

Image if your sight was a wet oil painting and someone just came up and started sloshing certain sections of it.

And my left arm was tingling 

That lasted for a bit.

I go up to Tay and say "Hey...we should probably leave after this watermelon washer..."

Taylor replies "Hmmmm....we should have driven separately."

"potato"

So I guess I ran around the field for like 2 more hours. I remember telling some boy "If I didnt have a boyfriend, I might give you a chance" and him replying "If I didnt have a fiance, I would still enjoy you as a friend"

So finally the game is over,and Taylor is driving me home. And Im just chattering and giggling. And then im like IM GONNA THROW UP. I dont remember much else about the ride home.

And then as soon as we got out of the car and got home I started shouting "MOM" 

I get into her room and my dad says "moms asleep"

And I said "Mom I have a concussion"

I have never seen my mom sit up so quickly.

And then I just started balling.

And saying the eff word.

and making jokes 

and repeating "I have to write an essay. I have to write an essay. Im gonna die in my sleep. I shoulda slept with Sean Ryan when I had the chance"

My parents thought it was really funny,actually. 

So then they are telling Taylor to take me to the emergency room and Taylor is like..."ehhhhh" and im like "EFF YO THIS IS YOUR FAULT YOU PIECE OF GARBAGE!"

And I didnt want my parents to have to stay up, cuz they have jobs.

So i just told them to wake me up every 3 hours, and I would go finish my research paper.

Then i looked up and I was at the computer and I was like...."how'd I get here....fingers make letters."

So then I started IMing my man friend,and jen

and they both are like "You psycho go to the hospital  And I was like I love you. Im not quite sure which one I said that to...

SO Jen, who lives in FLORENCE comes and gets me.

Sean Ryan  was going to , but i told him not to cuz he had work the next morning.

That and I did not want him to see my crying.

And shouting... apparently I had no control my vocal volume.

SO jen takes me to the hospital, and I guess I was just humming a lot to the nurses.

Anyway I got a CT scan. I wonder how much radiation is in that.....

And it came back fine

SO they were like...take some tylonal.

And i was like 

OI CUVULT 

and so I went home at 4 in the morning and fell asleep.

And then woke up for 10 am class.

I dont remember a lot. 

And even still, my memory is still groggy. I forget things that happened throughout the day.Its wicked hard to focus. Like i can not process my own thoughts and what someone else is saying to me. So people will just be talking to be and Ill start telling them a story that will take all my effort to finish. Also my head hurts like a mofo.I still have light and sound sensitivity. And my neck is the worst, I cant even lift my head up.
The weirdest part is that I have no appetite.
Like... I only eat food cuz Im like... "I havnt eaten in 12 hours....I should take care of that"
Is that a normal side effect?

My mom fell on her head once, and she has been retarded ever since, so i hope that doesn't happen to me...

But i mean, we all turn into our mothers, dont we....

And that is the sad reality of life. 

Pack it up -Pack it in

I have to wake up in 6 hours to go half off day shopping at goodwill.


Funny how I have had no job for 4 months, but i still find some GW money.


IMMA WORK FOR DEM RAGSSSS


So whats new since that time we talked.....


Hmmm.
I have a boyfriend.
I like him lots.


The first date he ever took me on, we walked outside and there were fireworks.
How could he have NOT turned out to be my boyfriend?

That and Kristen Schaal TOLD me to date him.
How can I say no to Kristen Schaal


He holds my hand while he's driving - even tho he drives a stick.


*smiles*



ENOUGH OF THAT.



Everyone is mad at Hostess going out of business?

2 Earth shattering things facebook has so delicately informed me of:

• Osama bin laden is dead.
• Hostess is going out of business. 

Maybe the man who is married to the woman who runs the anti-obesity program will bail them out.
Where is all our High Fructose Corn Syrup gonna go?(the gulf has suffered enough)
I dont think their target audience is gonna organize a picket line. (HAH FAT PEOPLE)
Wait,so we shouldn't have used Twinkies to soak up hurricane sandy?

lets see what else I got....
Im out.
(the last one is really just meant to imply we have bigger problems.I dont really know of anyone who used Twinkies as a direct result of the storm. Bless to everyone effected.)

*falls to the ground*
WHO CAN WE POSSIBLY BLAME FOR THIS?!?!?!


If you look at what has caused the biggest uproars this year....Its all about food. Well....food associated with gay rights.
Twinkies.


Well, that and the presidential elections....but I mean that ties back to food too...so...and gay rights....





Im only gonna give this 1 sentence. Because....Its all it really deserves...


"Im a teacher and I think its the best idea to have my students to a presentation at the end of the year and Im the only teacher who thinks so and my student will learn a lot and wont be overwhelmed because no other teachers assign presentations at the end of the year"



If there was ever any doubt that Satin exists. Stay in your classes until December.




I just wanna craft all night.
But  i cant.
Cuz Im sleepy.
And Im waking up for goodwill.

here is what i want to buy:

• big sweaters
• boots
• pea coat(thing)
• present
• scarves
• big sweaters

The end.

MR SUN, SUN, MR GOLDEN SUN

So, I spontaneously-ish jumped on a plane on Friday morning to Spokane, Washington.
This girl had a seizure on the flight.
AT LEAST IT WASNT A TERRORIST ATTACK.



Or an inside government job.




So I walk out of the airport.
ITS ALL WHITE.
LITERALLY SNOW EVERYWHERE.

My first thought "I did not pack for this" as I looked down at my measly jacket and scarf.

Then my sister picked me up and we made the 2 hour drive to Moscow Idaho.


It was respectable.


ITS SO COLD HERE.

HOLY BALLS I DONT KNOW HOW ANYONE FOCUSES ON ANYTHING.


I was working out with my sister Friday night and she says "Im kind of a workout junkie.....Well, more like a work out clothes junkie."


OH MY GOSH.

MOSCOW IDAHO HAS THE ALL TIME COOLEST CO OP

A co op, is a local, organic store....
I dont...know how to better describe it.


I seriously start squealing every time I walk in.

They have everything I could ever want.

Its so trendy.
And there is a "Just out of the closet" gay cashier , AJ, and Im slowly trying to show him its okay to be gay in the big towns!!!

My brother in law Steve is sitting next to me and we are all out of root-beer and he goes    "Britanee, you have no morals, go buy me root beer"


I think Im gonna do it....



CUZ THEN I COULD GO TO THE CO OP

I hope AJ is there.  

Maybe I will draw him a rainbow.


They only have one Goodwill here.
Makes sense why everyone is dressed the way they are.




THE CHILDREN ARE OUT NUMBERING THE ADULTS!!!!!!!!!!!!!


                                                                                          

Then it hits me like "oh"

The moral of the story is that it is 4:30 am in the morning...

And Im still sitting here in my winter hat with dangley balls....


Things I need badly by tomorrow:

• multiple pea coats.(burgundy,brown,black)
• scarves
• head scarves
• new shoes that don't fall apart when people step on them
• to do my physiology power point 

I was bored, so I read a blog from a year ago....

It wasn't my favorite mode of killing time.....

Things were deffinitly very different...... 

CAN WE JUST TALK ABOUT HOW FRICKEN HARD IT IS TO SPELL DEFFFINITLY.

IM NOT EVEN GONNA TRY ANYMORE

but my blogs back then were really funny.

Apparently I am getting less funny as I grow up.

Thats a bummer.

But i still have like....a ton of sex appeal....

so.....

I said the most outrageous things! 

Like... I wouldn't say those things now...

Im too worried people would judge me

WHO HAVE I BECOME.

Im going backwards.

Man, I really peaked in the summer of 2012.

Danm, I was perfect.

Good thing I was too emotionally scared to do anything stupid.

This blog is going weird places...

Very much veering from its original path..... 

I cant go to sleep.

I just keep listening to that hurricane song. 

WTF would you do if a plane crashed into your house.

Like for real...

What the hell.

I mean, one time my house almost burned down...

but...those are hardly the same. 

So my antibiotics are making me sick...

SO i think im gonna stop taking them.

But then my acne might come back

And I will feel super ugly.

I think i may be superficial enough at this point to suffer sickness in order to have a clear face.

THIS BLOG IS GETTING TOO HONEST. 

I just wrote like 2 paragraphs concerning the uterus of myself and others...

But deleted it after deciding....I didnt even wanna get into that story....

WOMAN ARE SUPERIOR TO MEN IN LIKE 75 WAYS.

The only reason im glad Im not a boy is because they have to pay for dates.

But i dont even hold boys to that....

I can get behind going dutch.

But that is because my toes are very independent. 

and i dont want them to think I owe them anything....

ya know....

like...

sex.

NO SIR I will buy my OWN frozen yogurt cuz you aint gettin any!

Why am I not tired.....

Its friggen 5 in the morning.

I think....I think if i dont go to bed....the time to do my homework wont come...

Its still coming....

*dance break to hurricane song *

Yeah....that'll do it.

Im ready to go to sleep.

And are we there yet?

This is to all my funny girls.
I have been fortunate enough to meet a lot of hilarious, surprisingly strong teenage females.

One of my proxy little sisters was telling me how she was joking around at a bonfire and some boy made fun of her (I cant remember the exact situation).

And she said "I just kept doing what I was doing, cuz he is just a stupid high school boy"

I dont know if I was that smart in highschool....

I remember no boys had crushes on me, because I was loud and made better jokes than them and was admittedly awkward....
And I remember thinking no boys would ever like me, because my personality just didnt fit what boys want out of a girl.
I thought that boys wanted the stereotypical cardigan wearing quiet Mormon girl who curled her hair and did her makeup every morning and had never heard of "pre-made cookie dough"

Luckily, it made me give up on caring if boys had crushes on me and just being myself.

Which it turns out, boys like a lot.


I mean.... a lot.....



So this is to all the girls who only went to the Girl-ask-Guy dances, and thought they were too fat for some guy to ever give them a chance



Im saying outside of Mountain View or whatever closed minded high school you go to, there are lots of boys who like a funny, outspoken girl who rarely wears make up.
And they like them a lot better than cardigan wearing robots....


So dont wear a cardigan if you dont want to.
And dont think you cant wear a duck suit to school because the football player in your British literature class will undoubtedly make fun of you....

Wear your duck suit.
Make lots of jokes
And realize you are really fricken awesome, and boys are gonna be linin up down the block for you in the near future.

Here comes the sun, here comes the rain

Remember that time I used to blog?


Dude.

Its been forever.

If its any consolation I have started about 7 blogs that have never been posted.


So MFY closed. I LOVED that stinkin show.
Alice Miller was probably my favorite character I've played.
Here is some highlights of what you may have missed. '

http://vimeo.com/51664956




Every day I get a little more sure that taking a break (leaving) musical theater is a good idea.
The people are so friggen catty.

Gross.



What else.
I am starting to SLOWLY catch up in school.
Emphasis on the slowly.

Oh! Today, I had a meeting with Professor Hottie. And I totally held eye contact. He wasnt paying me very much attention tho. He was checking his email and phone and stuff.
Chicks aint into that yo.
Especially because he doesn't allow phones in his class...
Like I pay you the same respect fool!
Who am I kidding, I cant stay mad at him


He was in a half zip turtle neck.
Here is my thought process
"Can you explain the creatin kinease pathwa.......*stop looking at his sweater you freak........* pathway?"

mmmmm



My Halloween consisted of eating lots of Mormon chili and then doing homework.

Im not mad about it.




I haven't been blogging, because my life is very boring.




There is this cute boy i spend lots of time with.
He's not boring.
More data to follow.



And , I should be starting my bank job soon.


So....thats exciting.



REAL LIFE.



I THINK IM GONNA GET THE NEWYORK SKYLINE TATTOOED ON MY BODY.


YOLO.



Everyone is naked under their clothes.