I've been tryin to do it right

So lets talk about the Oscars.

I only watched the end.

Luckily tho I did catch Kristen Stewart looking like a total coke whore.
The words that came out of my mouth:
"Kristen, stop doing coke before the Oscars.....She doesnt even go here"

Seriously, who did she have to cheat on to get into the Oscars?

She has really just stopped trying.
Lets see if the handy dandy internet has a picture of what I saw

Just like dead pugs, I got no results.

Then Jennifer Lawrence fell on her way up the stairs.
I think we were all hoping it would happen.
I love her, and I love hunger games....


But that is what happens where you disrespect Meryl.

Maybe next year you will leave your bed comforter at home and go with something lighter.
I suggest silk.

Clearly neither her or her stylist anticipated her walking up stairs during the night...

However, she handled it like a champ in this interview.

"Im sorry, I did a shot before this"

Clearly.

Its okay,  Quvenzhane Wallis probably would have fallen too, seeing as she just learned how to walk.


No Mcfarlin jokes, I missed the boob song....or something.


Nope just youtubed it.

It was awesome.

Youtubed.

Yikes. I just invented a porn site.



LEMME JUST SAY HOW PLEASED I AM WITH THE NEW NO NECKLACE TREND.


What I swear to do if I ever go to the Oscars.
No Jewelry.
And when I go up on stage
No shoes.



Well maybe some studs.



NO, NO JEWELRY.


Can I just point out how the onstage "No you read it" bit is so over done....


Really. From the time you got assigned a fellow presenter and the time you stood on the wings, no one thought to determine WHO would read the envelope.....



There are tons of awkward moments at the Oscars. Line jumbles by people who are used to having multiple takes to get something right, music starting in the middle of someones speech, the one girl who always trys too hard to give a congratulatory kiss to the winner as he hurriedly makes his way on stage, but I am gonna have to say the most awkward moment of the Oscars is the hesitant non verbal communication that leads to 4 people screaming a name into a microphone.




Next year I will play a drinking game for the Oscars. You will drink for

• every Meryl Streep reference
• every "play off the stage"
• every envelope announcing hesitation
• every line jumble
• every time a nomminee side eyes

and if someone trips on the stairs, everyone has to take a shot. 

Wait, are drinking games already shots....?