On to Bigger and Better Things.: I killed my dinner with karate, kick it in the face, taste the body.

So i try really hard to not be psycho.
Because naturally I am.
So i have this psycho filter.
It makes me a little slower than most people, but it also makes me really calm and rational, so i'll take it.

So this morning I was driving in the car with Josh and i touched my pant leg and there was a big ol wad of gum.

Thought process:
THEESE ARE MY FAVORITE PAIR OF JEANS
THEESE WERE SO EXPENSIVE (for tarah before she sold them to me for a dollar)
UGH
WAIT
THIS ISNT A BIG DEAL
I KNOW HOW TO GET GUM OUT OF CLOTHES
CALM DOWN JOSH IS ALREADY GOING TO FEEL BAD ENOUGH.

Wait? Why would Josh feel bad?

Because it was his gum.

And thats all im going to say about that.....

Wanna know how to get gum out of clothes ?
You take off as much as you can, without squishing it into the fabric.
And then you wait untill you can obtain an ice cube.
And then you rub the ice cube all over it, and then it comes rright off.
Real Talk.

And if it gets in your hair , You are supposed to rub peanut butter all over it to get it out. Ive never personally tested this method, but ive seen it done in the girls locker room in jr. high.

Pshhhh someone still falls asleep with gum in her hair.
Grow up.

Hahaha.

So Jere showed me this girl that does stand up, and it was pretty mediocre, but i still had a lot of respect for her, because thats something im REALLY afraid of doing.
Like id love to do stand up, but im just so darn scared.

I guess its not that different then my every day life....just more people watching.

Maybe that will be a new years resolution (i almost typed revolution. thats somthing totally different, and i am not ready to release that plan to the public)

I HAVE TO PEE.
HOLD ON

im back.

You know when you have to pee really bad, and then there is already pee on the seat, because your brother is a 5 year old,and your pants are already down and you reach for toilet paper to clean off the bowl and there is none and you're so pissed off and your bladder is about to launch from your tiny body and you just need toilet paper so you walk out of the bathroom to go find some with no pants or unders on because your so ticked that you dont even care if someone in the house see's the goods.

Yeah, i dont know what that is like either...

Back to new years resolutions.

......

People always make them, cuz its a "new year" .... but its like.... you can change anything about yourself any day of the year, and your just as likely to keep it #noonekeepsnewyearsrelolutions #eventhepeoplewhothinktheydo

SO HERE IS A LIST OF MINE:
i will give you a gauge of how realistic they are . 10 being the most realistic.

do crafty crafts-10
go on facebook only 2 times a day-0( its so far its in the negatives)
keep my room relatively clean-3
try to be rational-7
try to be really patient with people-2.7
get really good at texas hold 'um -8
tightin up my belly for swimsuit season (guess whos breakin out the bikini [cont. later])-6.4
make more money.-8
visit friends in college in various states-7.8 (i dont wanna hear it guys. I got really busy. Its not like you could have picked me up from the airport anyway, you have no car. and where would i have slept. On your couch with arm rests because you go to BYU? yeah. Thought so.Tram-i will come visit you anyday.)
drink no soda-10 (ALREADY MASTERED THAT SUCKER. GET ON MY LEVEL)
eat better-6.99
do stand up comedy at least once-3.2 (im so scareddddddddd)

So. As you can see. New year resolutions are silly.

Because no one keeps them.

Why ?

Because its a year!

365 days , and you just *start* one day.

You gotta work up to that shish.

Annnnnnnndddd, as my good friend jere informed me, it takes 30 days to make a habbit.

Do you keep your resolutions till febuary?

Something to think about

BUT GOOD ON YA FOR HAVING ASPIRATIONS.

Im going to be a life coach when i grow up.

Britanee you said you are going to wear a bikini ?

Your mother was right you are a whore!

What has happened to you ?

You used to be such a good person and now you are going to burn in hell.

^^^^wow. thats a little harsh retorical judgmental person on my blog....

A lot of people wonder what is happening with me. Cuz i dont go to church and i say outrageous things.

First of all.

Ive always been a wild child.

SO..... theres that.

And.

I guess now im just less afraid to say things.

I call this my Amish year.

*Amish Year: Baptism marks entry into the Amish church. Joining the church is a decision that cannot be made before the age of 16. By this time, a candidate will have been thoroughly drilled in the faith and the Ordnung through school and church attendance. In accord with the philosophy of choice, 16 year olds may leave the community to experience life outside if they so choose (see below).

Any member is free to leave. A member who has left may even be allowed to return within a short time. A member who leaves permanently will, however, be shunned. Shunning means that the person will forever be considered an outsider -- a stranger -- and will not be allowed to participate in the community ever again. All family ties cease to exist. A member may also be shunned if he persistently defies the authority of the Ordnung. It is rare for a member of an Amish community to take this irreversible step.

So i guess im like...2 years late

....

^^^"what the heck?" Yeah i know . Blogger is gay and randomly started backlighting my text white and it looked so gay and so i backlighted it pink. im so sorry yall. i dont like it anymore than you do.

SO back the bikini.

Aint nothin wrong with body confidence.

So i guess i better get some when i rock the bikini.

We'll see.

Wanna see all this cool stuff i made ?

SPOILER ALERT! YOU GOT A TUTORIAL COMIN' YOUR WAY!

SO i was on pinterestttt #addicted

and i came across thees bad boys

and i was like, wowwwiee i wanna make them ! Keep in mind, there was no tutorial, they were for sale #gaytakethatcraptoetsyhoe

So here is me making them!

oh, and it cost me 1 $, but thats only because i had to buy tacs (who the EFF doesnt already have tacs) so for normal people it would be totally free,and that is why my version is so ghetto. You're welcome.

First , cut out a template from a manila folder #cheeepppeeeee. Notice, the manila folder is folded in half, the cloud has to be symmetrical. ( i made 2 different sizes. a biggin and a littl'n)
Then lay template over 3 sheets of printer paper ( it would work better with cardstock, but uhm, have you seen how much money i make. and much like tacs, we have no cardstock on hand) and then cut ALL THREE at the same time - *caugh-zach-cough*
you could use any color (blue, gray) but im simple.

Then fold a line down the middle of all 3. And then fold the top cloud up,and the bottom cloud down . (does that make sense? it will) Once you have a crease in the middle, staple top of cloud and bottom of cloud.

You will have to do a bit more folding to get it to be perfectly angled instead of all flimsy (cuz its printer paper)

Next ,sew thread (or fish wire , which would work better, but i didnt have any) through the top of the cloud leaving a lot of excess thread which will then serve as your method of hanging.

#ouchie so out of focus my eyes burn!